2022 – A Year of Tumultuousness and Of Joy

New Year’s Day 2023. My 61st birthday. A quiet morning reflecting on a tumultuous and now bygone year. Also, a year of abundant joy, good company growth with the creation and development of new offerings, and the beauty of deepening family relationships as we continue to create a village of support for our grandchildren.

Tumultuousness in The World and the Emotions This Evokes

Tumultuous largely because of world events that disturb and anger me that I am helpless to influence. I have a hard time grappling with how one deranged man can be responsible for so much destruction of life, infrastructure and peace. I imagine Ukrainian families waking up a year ago… life was normal. Their courage, bravery, persistence and passion for their homeland is an inspiration even as it brings out sorrow for hardships they should not have had to endure.

The state of political divisiveness in the world is another thing that disturbs me. I am exhausted by the lies, by people believing and acting on the lies, by the loss of moral compass for too many in political leadership and by the name calling. Name calling! Like children on the playground, except worse. Is it even possible that these public figures could return to a state of diplomacy and decency?

The repression of women’s rights – not just in faraway countries like Iran and Afghanistan but close by in the US as well – is another thing that enrages me. It makes me understand how fragile our rights are while fuming about how this happens. I see the courage of women who are standing up and taking incredible risks, putting their lives on the line, and I fear for them.

It’s Been Hard to Write About Life

I haven’t written much on this blog, mostly because there is so much I don’t know how to make sense of and in reviewing them now there is a lot of emotional angst expressed. (And also because we have been very focused on creating content for Worldview Intelligence and our clients.) There is a comic Jerry and I use in our work as an illustration of cognitive dissonance: my desire to be informed is at odds with my desire to remain sane. It completely describes how I feel about world news these days. I scan it because I want to know and scanning is usually as much as I can take. And I realize how privileged that makes me.

Focusing On What is in Your Circle of Influence is Not Trivial

The antidote, as always, is to focus where you have influence and on what brings you joy, contentment and peace. It can seem trivial when there is so much heaviness in the world. But if I can’t actually change what is happening in Ukraine, in politics or in so many of the systems that seem to be crashing – like health care – my sitting home, worrying about it, becoming depressed by it or sinking into despair is not going to change anything about those things, but it does impact me, my health, how I live and how I engage with those I interact with regularly. So, it’s not trivial. It is life giving, life affirming and essential.

Welcome the Children and Fresh Eyes

We welcomed a new grandchild into our family in February, making three grandbabies for me, in addition to Jerry’s four. I am blessed to have an active participation in their lives. I love having visits with any and all of them, with and without their parents. They call me into presence, joy and remembering how to see the world through new eyes. The relationships with my adult children are different in the best of ways as they have become parents. All of the grandparents have relationship and presence with the grandchildren, providing support for their parents but also providing the little ones with unique relationships with the adults in their lives. All of our lives are richer for it.

The Beauty of a Deepening Relationship and Learned Wisdom

Jerry and I often express appreciation and gratitude for how our relationship has evolved and deepened over the years, how we have each grown in being with each other. It is an unconventional relationship in some ways because we live in two different countries and we are also business partners. But it works for us. That is partly due to confidence and faith in our relationship. We have similar goals, which include each of us living close to our kids and our grandkids. We travel well together.

It is also due to the fact we have figured out how to let the stuff go that doesn’t matter. When we do have arguments, we have become wiser in disengaging with them before they get out of hand and we don’t pick up arguments that might have been unfinished because we recognize how little value there is in fueling them. We also know when to stop talking about politics or the differences between our two countries.

We focus on what works, what we appreciate about each other and the greater number of things that go well in our lives, relationship and our work.

While I wish for world peace, my contribution has to be through my peace, and that is not a trivial thing.

The Luxury of an Existential Crisis

As I witness events in the world, feel the sense of overwhelm and helplessness, as I am at a loss of new words to describe the wanton cruelty of what Russia is doing in and to Ukraine, and sometimes feel paralyzed by the feelings I am absorbing, I realize I am having an existential crisis, perhaps even existential dread. This is a luxury not afforded to Ukrainians or to any oppressed peoples in the world.

Last month, I wrote that I am feeling a little frayed around the edges. Now I recognize it is more than that. I am torn between the beliefs I have carried about life and humanity my whole life and the cruel, unprovoked destruction that comes into my news feed from Ukraine every single day. How is it possible that some people are so craven they can carry out these atrocities? It shakes my belief in humanity as my heart aches for the loss of life and heritage.

Far Removed From, Yet Affected By, The Unspeakable Horrors and Violence

In the face of violence and unspeakable horrors, I sit safely in my home in a relatively sleepy corner of the world, knowing my family members and loved ones are also safe in their homes. It seems far removed from the violence and, yet, there is and has been violence here too. Not on the scale of what we are currently witnessing in other parts of the world, but it exists. We just have to think back to the “founding” of my city and province or to how First Nations people who lived here for centuries before Europeans arrived were treated, including almost being annihilated, or early refugees, whether they were Francophone or People of Colour, looking for safety or escaping slavery.

In the Worldview Intelligence work that Jerry and I have created and offer out into the world, we have a framework with Six Dimensions that help us understand and explore worldviews – individual, organizational, country, culture. We draw on neuroscience research to explain human behaviour and motivation.

Violence and Oppression From the Dawn of Time

Through this work I have and an increasing awareness that patterns of violence are deeply embedded in our human history from the dawn of time. There have always been acts of inhumanity, depravity, oppression, greed, power imbalances and the desire or need to conquer or claim the land that others live on and call home. There has always been travesty in the world. There have always been some people who believe they are better than others, subjecting those they think less of to violence and harm. There has always been enslavement of one sort or another, by one people over another.

But How Is It Happening Now?

What seems so shocking now is to look at the sophistication of the cities and communities in Ukraine, knowing the multi-dimensionality of culture enjoyed throughout the country by its citizens. Living life fully, just like we are able to do here in Canada, even in this moment. We saw it in cities before this: Aleppo in Syria and Sarajevo in Bosnia are just two examples, not to mention the destruction of cities during the two World Wars. And we have seen many examples of genocide whether we choose to look or not – The Holocaust, East Timor, Cambodia, Guatemala, Rwanda, Hutus, Rohingya, Uygehur and this is not even an exhaustive list.

When Jerry and I walk the streets of Paris, the city is sophisticated – culturally, socially, economically. It is a juxtaposition to the violent history of the city going back to its origins in 8000 BC to more recently when during the French Revolution in 1788-89, the Guillotine was invented and blood ran in the streets. At that time, Paris was considered sophisticated. Was the wholesale violence and death shocking to citizens who experienced it then? To those who witnessed it or heard of it?

Being Interconnected Means We Cannot Do Harm to Another Without Also Harming Ourselves

We are all interconnected – whether we believe it to be so or not. We cannot do harm to another without also doing it to ourselves. As we are now experiencing, harm cannot be done to another without it affecting us all. We can try to look away, compartmentalize, rationalize or justify, as many Russian people (and others) are doing at the moment, but that does not mean we are not affected. The Russian invaders committing atrocities against Ukrainians will be forever marked by the violence they have wrought, even as the Ukrainian people will carry this new trauma through the ages.

How Does This Stop?

Where is the united voice for peace that can enact that desire and stop the violence? Many of us are advocating for it, some more powerful than others. NATO countries are applying ever expanding economic sanctions. Countries are shipping arms, lethal and non-lethal military supplies to Ukraine. And it is not yet enough. There does not seem to be a military course of action that the powers that be are willing to take. Stopped by the fear of a nuclear war, that Putin might wage anyway once he finishes the destruction of Ukraine? Those of us not close to the decision making can only speculate.

Threads of Humanity Connected Through a Veritable Life Force

So, I, we, sit back and grieve for the world through our aching hearts. I take in as much as I can, to know and witness what is happening in a place I have no personal connection to other than through the threads of humanity, consciousness, love, compassion, and the veritable life force that runs through us all. Like so many, I have been absorbing the violence, the emotions, the helplessness – sometimes more than I realize it. It weighs heavy in my consciousness and on my soul. That life goes on here and in so many other places, almost as if this is not happening, seems unbelievable and unbearable. How is it even possible?

And I realize, even through this existential dread, that it is my duty to do what I can, even as that means living my life fully where I am. Showing up completely for my family, loved ones, friends and neighbours. Spilling my passion into the work that Jerry and I do, continuing to develop it so that whoever is touched by it can be inspired to their own hope and courage, to build trust and relationship in the places they have influence – which will likely never be at the highest levels of government. But it matters. As many people as possible operating within their spheres of influence matters.

What We Are Called To Do – Creating Ripples Where We Can

There is nothing less that we are called to do, to honour the fierceness and perseverance of the Ukrainian people, as they stand for what is right, as they fall in the streets of their cities and towns, knowing they stand for all of democracy, for all of us who value democracy. Would I be able to take the stand that they are taking if it was my city and country that was threatened? Would you? I can only hope so – as the world stands by witnessing atrocities we have said many times should never happen again.

Love, Hope, Community and Connection – Also Through the Dawn of the Ages

Just as there has always been violence and atrocities, so too there has always been valour, dignity, hope, love, respect, integrity, kindness, community and collaboration – through the dawn of ages. It may not seem like much, but we need to keep shining a light on this. As Mother Teresa said, “I alone cannot change the world. But I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” We have many such “stones” at hand. Let’s use all we can, create as many ripples as is possible.

There are many groups active here in Atlantic Canada, across the country and around the world who are actively working to support Ukrainians. A friend of ours is in Poland at the border, welcoming refugees into her open arms. If we cannot be there, we can donate to reputable organizations – money or supplies. Take in a family if you can until they can get on their feet. Discover other methods of support.

Hang on to your loved ones – life is both fierce and fragile. We never know when it will change. If this is what we have in this moment, it is the most important thing. I have very young grandchildren. When I was having my babies, there was a question about whether it was moral to bring new children into the world. Now I am 60. People still ask that question, yet my children are having children and I am deeply moved and grateful. They are inspiration and hope as well as the reminder to stay present to the moment.

Live Life Fully in Honour of Those Who Can’t

We cannot always see what the solutions for our challenges are as they may not have been invented yet. It would be a disservice to the people of Ukraine, who are fighting for their homeland and for democracy and freedom, with their lives, to not live fully, to not have heart, to lose sight of our humanity and of theirs. So take the opportunities and chances available to you – do it for yourself and do it for the people who do not have this luxury at the moment. Жива Україна! (Live Ukraine!)