Category: Journey to Openheartedness

Kindness, Small Gestures, Generosity of Spirit: The Antidotes to a Challenging Year

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Jerry and I have heard from many that 2023 has been a difficult and challenging year. That has been true for us too.

Many people have described personal or business challenges, set within the context of news cycles full of increased war, a challenged economy, high interest rates, higher prices for just about everything, increased debt loads and higher rates of homelessness. Personally, as an example, I have become price sensitive at the grocery store, which had never been the case. The cost of groceries is a common topic of discussion amongst friends and family.

With so much chaos all around us, it can be hard to focus on the good, the small gestures, kindness, the heartwarming stories. For some, it almost feels like we are not allowed to find the joy and yet not doing so only hurts us while not solving any of the issues we see, but have no influence over.

The Season of Amplification

And, now, we are in the “festive” season and the stress for many is more intense. We carry expectations about the holidays, about how they should be, about what we should do, buy, make or gift. Yes, it can be a season of joy and it is equally likely to be a season of grief and both at the same time. As I wrote years ago, ‘tis the season of amplification. Whatever we are feeling, we may feel with more intensity. So, how do we stay grounded, connected, nourished and supported amidst so much intensity and chaos in the world?

Embrace the Possibilities, Small Gestures, Kindness and Generosity of Spirit

So many possibilities. Seek out, remember and offer small gestures, kindness, and generosity of spirit. Offer a sincere compliment to someone and watch their face light up. I do this whenever I see someone bring vibrancy to their role or interactions or extend great service or courtesy to others. It makes a difference and it is easy to do. It is following through on noticing.

Connection and Relationship

Find connection in all ways that matter and especially through all forms of relationship. Relationship with loved ones and particularly with the little ones in our lives. Give them the gift of time and attention. All the moments I spend with my grandchildren or with Jerry’s, bring me joy and delight, as I see and experience the world through their eyes. The relationships I have with my and Jerry’s adult children are gratifying and provide sustenance.  

Christmas Tree ornaments made by my grandchildren, 2023

Relationships with extended family, friends, neighbours and colleagues who care and who we care about. Relationship with nature, to stay present and keep perspective. Accessing the music, books and movies that make us feel, while reducing media and social media that drags us down.

Relationship with Self Also Matters

We can also offer small gestures and kindnesses in our relationship with self, taking care of mental and physical health and well-being. We might not be able to affect a lot of what goes on in the world, but we can influence and impact those within our circles of influence, including ourselves.

The Promise of 2024

As I look ahead, 2024 holds lots of potential and possibilities. Writing brings Jerry and me joy. We have a couple of projects we’ve been working on that we hope to see come to fruition in 2024. They are The Little Book of Great Grandparenting and Dancing on the Razor’s Edge of Change, both of which include contributions from friends and colleagues.

Jerry and I are beginning a very exciting partnership with a global company that will take our Worldview Intelligence work to new levels, new clients and new cities. We can’t wait to see what emerges as a result.

My Wish for Us All

My wish for you, for me and my loved ones, for the world, for 2024 and beyond, is for peace, hope, connection, joy, and prosperity. The ability to both sit with and work through the tough spots and varied emotional experiences that show up along the way. The ability to influence the world around us in extraordinary and positive ways. The ability to invite and entertain different worldview perspectives, so we find our way in the world with beauty and grace. 

All the best of this Holiday Season, from me to you.

Untethered…. Yet Not

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I sometimes feel untethered

From my distant past

The friends and connections from my childhood and youth

Even while feeling linked to ancestral lineages

I am grounded in and by my family now

Children

Grandchildren

Brother

Sister

Partner

And then a thread is pulled….

A recipe book

A cake

That’s been made for birthdays

Over decades

Across generations

A childhood best friend remembers

Makes a note

Pulls the thread

Evoking memories

I see these memories through a sheen

Scenes of life

Laughter

Play

Late night conversations

And…. almost, I am there

Tethers of love and heart connections

Once souls have touched

In love or friendship

The tethers never fully disappear

August 20, 2023

An Antidote to Shame is Transparency

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Most of us, if not all of us, have experienced shame at some point in our lives. The work of shame is so powerful that it shuts us down, depletes us of energy and makes us want to hide. It can rob us of vitality and voice. It can feel like shame is sending out signals that you are a person who has failed, that here is someone who wasn’t smart enough to figure out something, someone who misjudged a situation.

An antidote to shame is transparency, using your voice, sharing your story. From my own experience when I felt the power of shame, a few times over the course of my life’s journey, relief started with sharing my story with one or two trusted individuals who witnessed me in that moment. Their reactions – acknowledging, witnessing, validating, seeing the fullness of me beyond the particular situation for which I felt shame – was freeing. It restored trust in myself. Not immediately, but over time.

A partial definition of transparency is “the quality of allowing light to pass through” – and how uplifting to consider light passing through to our heart and soul, soul essence, the core of who we are. Transparency doesn’t have to mean proclaiming everything loudly to everyone – although those who do share profound stories that have been kept secret for a long time provide inspiration and hope for others who have experienced similar situations.

If you have experienced, or are experiencing, shame, know you are not your shame or your experience. Take the time you need to move through it. Find trusted spaces to share your story as transparently as possible and allow yourself to be witnessed into healing.

An Antidote to Distress is Blessings

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When we are feeling distress, we may feel unable to manage or cope with changes in our experiences, we may feel sad, afraid, anxious or lonely and may find it difficult to engage in normal life activities. For me, sometimes it feels like life moves in slow motion or like I am moving in slow motion through life. It can be hard to activate myself into motion.

Our thoughts fuel our feelings. Turning attention to what is going on in our minds enables us to change our thoughts and, thus, change our feelings. This is why an antidote to distress is blessings, thinking about the blessings we have in life, things we can be grateful for.

This is not about seeing life through rose coloured glasses. It is about deliberately turning our attention to focus on something that can make us feel better, lift us out of distress, so we can function in our day, week, life.

For me, it is children, grandchildren, my partner, his family, remembering my journey over the last 13 years in my home and all I have been able to accomplish here, the longer journey of my life with all its twists and turns, memories of my parents and grateful when they show up in my dreams, the work I do, the joy in writing, my quirky cats, friends and people I know and am connected to in a myriad of ways, good neighbours.

Really, there is no shortage of things to be grateful for. Where does your list begin?

An Antidote to Judgment is Curiosity

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An absolute favourite. We likely first heard it from Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea in Circle Practice. Jerry and I use it with every group we work with and we are often quoted for the statement, curiosity and judgment cannot exist in the same space.

When you notice you are judging someone or something, you are feeling defensive or are dismissing someone else or their views, curiosity is an antidote. Become curious about your own reactions. Be curious about the other person, group or situation. Why are they acting the way they are, saying what they are saying? How have they come to see the situation the way they have?

Curiosity provides a way to connect and to open explorations. It can also bring new insights and new learning. It can help us expand our worldviews and worldview experiences.

An Antidote to Sadness is Tears

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The power of tears is highly underrated. We have been taught to hide our tears (at least in my generation) and to apologize for them when they do show up. We’ve all heard it when someone tries to speak through their tears. Like expressing the emotions signified by tears is weakness. Or, as a life coach told me a long time ago now, “Kathy, you think your emotions make you weak.” She assured me there was strength in acknowledging my own emotional experiences and working with them. She was right.

Tears are an antidote to sadness, also sorrow, stress and many more of the emotions that sometimes feel like they will overwhelm. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. These feel-good chemicals can help ease both physical and emotional pain. This can provide a sense of calm or wellbeing.

Allow your tears to flow. Even when with others. Stop apologizing if/when it happens. It is the most natural thing in the world and so healing.

#NeuroChemicals
#emotionsareyourguidancesystem
#emotionalexperience
#copingskills
#copingstrategies
#noapologyneeded

An Antidote to Disappointment is Compassion

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Disappointment can take many forms. It can be disappointment that something did or did not happen. Disappointment in someone. Disappointment in yourself.

When it comes to people and disappointment, it is often because expectations have not been met – whether this is self or other, whether they have been spoken or not. An antidote to disappointment is compassion.

Sometimes we are aware we carry expectations and sometimes we are not. Either way, a feeling of disappointment can reveal whatever expectation(s) we are carrying. Bringing compassion into the equation can help us move past disappointment.

People do not usually mean to disappoint. Viewing them, the situation or ourselves with compassion will bring peace, could allow us to approach the situation or the person in a different emotional state or state of mind, to have a conversation or just let it go. Not everything needs to be a thing.

The more we can bring compassion, the more love and relationship will flourish. I don’t mean romantic love necessarily, I mean love that fuels the bonds with people who matter to us or that fuels our bond with ourself. Releasing expectations and disappointment is freeing.

An Antidote to Overwhelm is Connection

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Overwhelm can stop us in our tracks. It can feel like we are buried … or drowning, in murky waters. Even just reflecting on overwhelm in this moment of writing I feel the need for a deep inhale and slow release of breath. Calling me to presence.

An antidote, for me, to overwhelm is connection. Connection with my partner. With his kids and grandkids. With my kids and grandkids. They bring me to presence immediately.

I just had a conversation with my oldest son and his wife about how grateful we all are for an afternoon spent together, hanging out, going to the playground, being outside, doing yard work, grounding in nature. We feel fortunate that our extended family connections are nurturing circles of support – for all of us.

Connection with others who are experiencing a similar sense of overwhelm or related emotional state. Remembering we are not alone. Allowing ourselves a moment to be in our experience and then looking for how to renew our spirits, hope and faith, to keep ourselves inspired or just re-invigorated enough to find the simplest, most elegant step forward.

Connection reminds us we are not alone and it is possible get through this moment of overwhelm too.

An Antidote to Discouragement is Resilience

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The word resilience can get a bit of a bad rap these days, as if having the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties should not be celebrated. Some would say too much resilience can make us overly tolerant of adversity. And, I’ve heard it said, “bouncing back” may not be healthy for us, so let’s “bounce forward” instead. Semantics? We can define this in many ways and I choose the ways that build strength for me.

When I considered what is an antidote to discouragement, resilience immediately came into my mind. Discouragement can weigh heavy and can cause us to lose sight of the beauty, grace and achievements in life – ours, others, the world.

I embrace the qualities of resilience, a reminder that I have gotten through every hard day of my life so far. I can bounce back or bounce forward – whatever it takes to move beyond the discouragement that can show up when I feel like I haven’t achieved enough, that things are not going “my way”, that progress on women’s rights, human rights, LGBTQ+ issues, marriage rights, book banning, social justice issues and more seems halted or even going backwards, it is resilience that gets me through. Reminds me to look for the good in humanity, the people who are standing up and the circles of support I directly and indirectly connect into. It reminds me to bring compassion to people who experience the world and the issues differently than I do.

Where do you find yourself embracing resilience in the face of discouragement?

An Antidote to Despair is Hope

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I was in a conversation on the weekend with two women who I have a lot of respect for. We talked about the challenges of these times and how easy it can be to fall into despair.

We all have our days, hours or even minutes. It prompted me to wonder, what is an antidote to despair? Hope. And, by hope, I mean looking for the things that fuel us, that shift our emotions so we can acknowledge what we feel but not be stuck there. It serves no one to stay permanently in despair if we can find a way to a different emotional experience. It does not diminish our experiences of despair, but it offers us choices.

When do you experience despair? What gives you hope?

I experience despair when I stay focused too long on the things I can do little or nothing about – the state of public discourse, divisive politics, social media violence.

What gives me hope is seeing nature unfurl its spring growth and colours, the children in my lives, individual sparks of curiosity, clarity and illumination of ideas. Music. Seeing people succeed. Seeing people overcome challenges. Displays of kindness.