When the Family / Town Secret is You!

January 1, 2026January 1, 2026Leave a comment

My brother and I are perplexed. How is it possible to be in your 40s and only then find out about a family secret that literally everyone knows – all our extended family, all friends of our family, my best friends growing up and an ex-boyfriend I have not talked to for 40 years? It seems, the only 2 people who did not know were me and my brother.

The secret? We did not know that I was adopted until my full sister and a half-sister reached out in 2008, when I was in my mid-forties. They sent me a Facebook message to say, “You don’t know us and we don’t mean to upset you, but we have reason to believe you might be our sister.” First thought? Who are you and what do you want with me?

My birthday – probably January 1, 1981 – my brother, mother, me, and dad.

Immediately, I sent this message on to my brother. He has a sharp memory and can recall things I have no idea about. If this was true, surely he would know. He didn’t. He was just as shocked as me. (Also, for those who are wondering, he is the biological son of our parents, born a couple of years after I was in the picture.)

Our first thoughts were that this was an iron clad secret almost nobody knew – otherwise, how was it possible to keep such a secret for over 40 years? Also, it was in the 1960s and social media did not exist. Looking back now, I can see the reasoning was faulty – our parents adopted a child – of course they would have told everyone. So, that explains family and family friends knowing.

Soon after I learned this news, I met up with one of my best friends from high school. I mentioned a sister – thinking I would surprise her. Instead, she surprised me, “Oh, you know.” She had heard through a grapevine. When she asked her mother what she should do, her mother told her it was not her story to tell. True enough.

Then, I discovered some of our cousins knew – which meant all of our cousins knew. My brother and I are among the youngest.

A couple of years ago, a high school classmate died and a few of us gathered to remember him. It was a poignant time. We talked about people we grew up with – including who was adopted or otherwise had different family arrangements. My name was not mentioned in this conversation, nor was I or my situation referenced, nor did anyone ask me anything – even though we all openly knew the background of the people we talked about.

Lunenburg High School Graduation – June 1980.
How many people in this photo knew I was adopted and never said a word?

Later, one of the people there – also a good friend from high school – messaged me about my memoir: Embracing the Stranger in Me: A Journey to Openheartedness in which I write about the unfolding of my adoption story and meeting my birth family. In that exchange, she shared that she knew I was adopted while we were in high school together! Her mother had told her, but now her mother could not recollect how she knew.

I shared this information with my brother. Again, we were equally stunned that people we went to school with knew this about me and our family and it never, ever came up – not in casual conversation, not when talking about other people who were adopted and not in a moment of spite where someone might want to offend you.

This is top of mind at the moment because, recently through a strange kind of delightful serendipity, I reconnected with my high-school sweetheart, my first boyfriend – also, interestingly through FB. As we did the high-level overview of 40 years of life, I mentioned about being adopted. And, he said, he knew! He found out a couple of years after we broke up. The clincher in all of this. My father told his father. They worked together but were not really friends. How on earth did that conversation even come up? And, if my dad could tell my ex-boyfriend’s dad, why couldn’t he tell me? We’ll never know because they are both gone now. Just when you think you can’t be surprised anymore, something else comes to light.

So, it begs the question. How does a whole family and a town not expose a secret, even by accident? How does pretty much everyone we know from that time know about the adoption and it remained a secret to us? Our parents must have had moments of fear, wondering when I – or my brother – was going to come home with questions. Yet, year after year, through university, graduations, career changes, marriage, divorce, remarriage and 3 children of my own, the topic was never brought up.

When it finally did, my mother’s dementia was far enough advanced, it didn’t make sense to try to talk to her about it. Dad and I did have a good conversation – and several after that – and he was supportive of me meeting my birth family, also initially a little worried that this knowledge would affect our relationship. I told him we had 40+ years of relationship – we would be okay. And we were.

It’s a strange world we live in. I do believe secrets want to be revealed. I’m okay with how this story evolved – although it would have been nice to have known my sister earlier. I am curious what would have happened had I heard through one of my classmates – but it’s almost like everyone was sworn to secrecy.

You never know the life path. You never know what is coming up to be cleared anytime but particularly in what had been a very challenging year – 2025 – adding to a 9 in numerology which is a year of endings and clearings – leading into a 1 year – 2026 – for new beginnings, possibilities and opportunities. I have also just left a 9 year behind personally and entered a 1 year personally.

Dear 2026, please be kind, generous and abundant – for us all. I’m ready for it – even as I may never understand how my brother and I were at the heart of a family and town secret that everyone knew except us!

Wistful

May 4, 2021January 26, 20252 Comments

I learned of the death of a high school friend yesterday. I discovered how, even for someone you have not seen in decades, some friends carve out a little space in your memories and nestle into your heart in deep ways. His obituary reflects the person I knew and remember, celebrating his soul and soulful qualities. It also gives the smallest glimpse into the challenges he faced in his life. Another high school friend described him as “that boy”. He was “that boy”. I wish his path could have been easier, but it was his path.

Last night, as I paused Shadow and Bone on Netflix and stood on the landing of my stairs, looking out the window onto my street, I felt wistful. I longed for the days of being a parent of teenage boys when our house was always full. Full of life. Full of energy. (Also full of challenges but those are stories for other days.) There were days I had no idea how many kids, or who, were in my house. Grocery bills were staggering. I cooked for them. They learned to cook. They all helped out when asked. They supported each other through a lot of challenges and most of them are still friends, a decade or so later.

Life ambles along. It brings us all that shows up in the soul journey. We don’t always stay connected in the world, but there are threads of connection that never go away. There are people nestled in the vastness of our hearts who have carved their names into our memories in ways they will never disappear, even when our paths no longer cross, even when death intervenes.

Visions and Memories Can Be Whatever You Want and Need Them To Be

May 8, 2016Leave a comment

When I first became aware of my spirit guides, there were four entities that I tapped into regularly. One was a grandmother guide. I first became aware of her on my own, as I sensed her presence. For me, I sense the presence, tune into and then begin to “see” the quality, shape, colour, details of the presence. It can be whatever you want or need it to be and it will be something that resonates with you, something you need to be reminded of, you know or need to know.

In this case, I “see” my grandmother – Casey – my mother’s mother. She was 94 years old when she died but I never “see” her old in my visions of her. She often shows up in 1950’s attire and whatever age she would have been then. She is stylish and is often dressed as if she is out and about or ready to go somewhere – with a cigarette in her hand. She is full of spunk.

Two beautiful women: my mother – Mary Patricia Ann Ritcey Jourdain – with her mother – Kathleen (Casey) Hackett Ritcey – in 1990 (the year my first son was born)

The same is true of my mother. I don’t see her as she was in her final years in long term care, physically diminishing with dementia. I see her in the vibrancy of an earlier age, happy, effusive. It is also how I remember her. Because I can remember her any way I wish and there are 50 years of memories to draw on. Remembering what makes me smile is good for my soul. Remembering what makes you smile is good for your soul.

These days, it is different guides and entities I tap into more regularly because what I need now, need to access, is different than it was then. But whenever I turn my mind or attention to my grandmother guide – or any of the others so prevalent at that time, they appear. Easily, readily, in the fullness of everything they have to offer.

The visions that come to us have valuable information. Trust the symbolism. It is specifically meant for you. Whether it comes from spirit or comes from your unconscious it doesn’t matter. It is meaningful and has meaning. Let yourself discover what it is and take joy in the beautiful images and memories that appear. They can guide your path and your intention, increase your vibration and allow more good to flow through and to you.