The Spaces in Between

I have a complex web of personal relationships, as many of us do. The constellations of relationship have grown more complex over the decades of my life. It began with the family I grew up in, my dad still alive and my brother living hours away in another province. I have two children from a first marriage who are now in their early twenties with long term girlfriends who also have families – near and far.  My third child, who is still a preteen, is from a second marriage. There are negotiations and navigations and scheduling conversations with the two fathers, more so with my youngest and especially around the holidays.

If that is not enough complexity, in the last decade, I found out I had a whole other family – a birth family. That has varying levels of relationship and its own complexity.

And I entered into a new personal relationship a few years ago that crosses an international boundary as well as the work-life boundary. And he has his own constellations of relationships with his mother, siblings, kids and grandkids. And none of that even begins to touch on friendships here, there and in places in between.

IMG_1120It is the space between Christmas and New Years. I am in an in between space too. This morning I drove to the airport twice – once to drop off my son who has been living with me so he can travel to visit with his girlfriend and her family for New Years. Once to take my beloved to the airport after having him here for Christmas, on his way home. I’ll visit there in a few days with my youngest for New Years.

And in this moment, I am in a space in between. The only person in my home today. A quiet day. A day of puttering – electronically and physically. A day that stretches in time. An in between day. In between Christmas and New Years. In between Christmas decorations and putting them away. In between 2014 and 2015. In between home and travel. In between a full house and an empty house. In between vision and manifestation.

I feel the fullness of the day. The fullness of the in between space. I miss my company. I miss the energy of a full house. I appreciate the quiet of the day. I experience the contrast of full and quiet. Of companionable and alone. I notice the in between space. How it feels. How I feel. Drawing breaths of the in between. Letting what was settle. Letting what is to come bubble up in anticipation. Letting this moment wash over me in the fullness of the beauty and challenge of the day.

The in between space. It is not a blank. It is full in its own way. Feeling the fullness of the in between spaces.

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