Anger can get a bad rap. It is not because it is inherently bad, but because many do not know how to express it, other than lashing out and causing harm to others. Some do it purposefully, intending to do harm. Some do it defensively, to not work with their own emotional experiences or fears, which is not necessarily a conscious response.

Anger can be intimidating when we are subjected to it. And our own anger can make us afraid that we might harm others, especially if we have not witnessed anger expressed in healthy ways – which was my case for a lot of my life. I learned that not acknowledging or expressing anger that is present can look like false harmony and that is not helpful or healthy either.

I also learned to stand my ground in the face of anger and that is not been easy to do. Being subjected to someone else’s wrath, justified or not (and usually not) has accompanying physical and emotional reactions. This is why reflection is an antidote to anger.

Reflection is important when you are the one who is angry. Feeling angry usually means a boundary has been violated. Understanding what is contributing to your anger means you can address it in more thoughtful and intentional ways. Or let it go. For me, when something happens that goes against my values, when someone does harm to someone else, when people take advantage of other people, hypocrisy – these are all things that contribute to me being angry. Understanding the source helps me consider my choices and my actions.

When it is someone who is angry at you, and if it matters to you, reflecting on why they are projecting their anger towards you can help you step out of your own responses and help you find a way to address the issue with the other person. In my experience, it usually involves a delay in response, past the heat of the moment. Sometimes, stepping away is the healthiest thing you can do in the moment.

Anger is an emotion. Acknowledging it can be one of the most powerful things you can do. Learning how to work with it can be even more powerful. Demonstrating healthy ways to work with anger can be a gift to those around you.