Tag: Mental Health

Identity – Reconnecting to Who We at our Core

Leave a comment

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about identity lately – sparked, in part, to recently having a First Person Account published by CBC titled “I had a loving family. My life changed at 46 when my birth sister revealed I was adopted. My parents hid my adoption. But somehow, the truth brought us closer.”

I’ve been doing a series of videos over at the Inner Wisdom Lab Youtube channel where I speak to various aspects of identity and offer a few guided visualizations for anyone looking to connect more deeply to their own core essence. And there are more to come.

I have now known about being adopted for 17 years, which seems a bit incredulous. Finding out sparked an identity expansion in some ways. In a moment, everything changed, yet nothing changed – with respect to my life, my immediate family and my sense of identity.

Identity and Core Essence

In thinking about identity, I am curious about what is underneath personality traits, skills, abilities, life events … and, I have arrived at core essence. The most basic and important attribute of self that provides a sense of who we are, the inner foundation of being. This essence is constant. In this 7 minute video, I speak about core essence or identity and, in this 10 minute one, I offer a guided visualization for anyone wishing to connect with their own sense of identity or core essence.

Identity and Roles

Sometimes we know and sense our core essence with absolute clarity. Other times it is obscured by layers and layers of roles, expectations – our own and others, doubt, hubris, the minutia of life, disappointments and external successes collected over the course of a life journey. We learn to not trust ourselves, our own inner knowing or wisdom or what our highest self whispers to us along the way. I speak about identity and roles in this 12 minute video and offer a 20 minute guided visualization for any wishing to review the timeline of their life, the roles they took on or were thrust upon them, the gifts in the roles and the opportunity to choose to more fully inhabit some roles and shed others that no longer serve.

DNA and Chosen Family Lineages

Perhaps not surprisingly, over the last 17 years I have also thought about lineage – a lot. DNA and chosen family lineage. DNA does not necessarily a family make. As someone who has been adopted, I feel both of these lineages strongly. I imagine there might be others who feel this way – rooted in at least 2 lineages, if not more.

I have felt most closely connected to my chosen family lineage. One could argue that they chose me since I was a baby at the time. But, if you believe in soul choices and choices made before incarnating, then we chose each other. This is the lineage I grew up with and claimed as my own, since I knew no other until I found out I was adopted. It is very much a part of my sense of self. For a long time, my biological lineage felt abstract.

In more recent times, having connected with a biological cousin who shared the gift of all the genealogical research she has done on my birth mother’s side of the family, something shifted. My sister and I knew that our birth mother’s mother (our grandmother) had had multiple children with different fathers. Our understanding was she had given all the babies up.

I had no idea how many blanks were actually there until that knowledge was shared with me. My birth grandmother had eight children with five different fathers and had not, in fact, given them all up – only the first two, one of which was my birth mother, the second child, raised by an aunt and uncle. Now I have my birth grandmother’s name, and the names of her parents, children, and their fathers, as well as information about the relationships. Having knowledge of my genealogy brings a sense of balance and wholeness I did not expect even as I do not feel a need to connect with all the names that are now etched in my birth lineage.

Identity and Place or Geography

Place and geography influence and shape our sense of identity – where we grew up, where we live, other places that have had a significant influence on our own sense of self. Interestingly, this can expand beyond our own experience to include places that family members are from. I very much have a sense of French Quebec heritage through my dad and of Newfoundland heritage through my mother’s mother (yes I mean the family I grew up in for any who wonder).

My partner, Jerry, is strongly influenced by growing up in the US mid-west. He refers to himself as a flatlander who does not like edges. I, on the other hand, grew up on the coast in a fishing town. People in my family were said to have had the “sea in their blood”. I muse on the influence of place and geography in this 9 minute video and invite people who listen to reflect on what parts of their identity have been shaped by where they grew up or where they live.

Is Finding Your Birth Family a Good Idea?

I am sometimes asked, is searching for your birth family a good idea? One the one hand, it is hard for me to say since this decision was not in my hands. But it reminds me of the famous quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet – “to be or not to be” – although I am not entirely sure way. Searching for birth family is very much an individual choice. Not everyone wants to search, not everyone wants to be found, not everyone connects in relationship and not every story has a happy ending.

Having said that, if you are someone who knows you have biological family out there and are wondering whether it is a good idea, be aware of the expectations and hopes that you carry, and know that for some, it does not or will not answer the questions they are carrying. This can be hugely disappointing.

On the other hand, actually meeting people may not even be necessary to receive answers – like having my birth family tree suddenly fleshed out. And, for many, there are solid relationships that emerge and evolve over time. For my full sister and I, it is almost as if the 40 year gap did not exist.

My sister and me as children.
Me and my sister in Mexico - a year after we reconnected.

On the whole though, there is an invitation to embrace your identity – all of it. And in so doing, remembering what was here before the physical body and after it is gone. It is all essence.

Tremulous Times Call for Radical Acts – of Kindness, Compassion, Empathy and Love

Leave a comment

STOP. Right now! Breathe….

Now, breathe more deeply – with each breath, notice the sensation of the breath filling your lungs and the life-giving oxygen moving throughout your body.

Now that you have paused and I have your attention, how are you feeling? Yes, really.  How are you feeling, right now? You are allowed to notice what is true for you, to embrace the fullness of who you are.

Tremulous Times

We are living in tremulous times. I do not have to share the litany of reasons why this is true. All of us who are paying even a little bit of attention – we all know them. Many of us knew it would be bad but the head-spinning velocity at which it is all coming at us can feel and be destabilizing. There are many who say that this is the goal – to overwhelm so much so that we lose hope, the ability to act, that we sink deeper into despair and feel completely disempowered.

For those of us who are empaths, we feel it all, including all that is happening to people, the earth, climate and the environment, in places near to and far from us. It can be debilitating. I know some are deeply challenged and it is all they can do to make it through a day.

For others of us, we have more choice. We can feed this energy and the energies that are indicative of a complete disregard for the sacredness of humanity and all living, sentient beings – or we can make a different choice, even on the days when it feels like our entire body is sludge, being dragged through clay or quicksand.

Radical Acts

Tremulous times call for radical acts – of kindness, compassion, empathy and love – to and for ourselves and to and for others, even as we secure our boundaries around what we are willing to let in and what we are not willing to have thrust upon us.

Kindness, compassion, empathy and love could be to and for the people directly around us or in our circles and it could be for anyone, anywhere on the globe who is need of it, in need of being seen, heard and acknowledged.

Amplify What is Good, Right and Healing in and for the World

It also means giving ourselves permission to experience joy and delight. To nurture our bodies, minds and souls for health and wellbeing and to be resourced against the assault on our sensibilities. It is not to turn a blind eye to what is happening in the world but it is to see and understand what is and is not within our control and to continue to action what is, no matter how small or insignificant it may feel. We often underestimate the power of small acts and actions and we do not know the full scope of who and what is in league with us in these choices. We may not be aware of how we can contribute to amplifying others actions and intentions that will help us all find our way out of the chaos of this present time.

Let’s do it for ourselves, for our loved ones and for those who are currently incapacitated in being able to do it for themselves. Let these be the radical acts that take root in a world that asks us to rise to the challenge of these times in whatever ways we are capable of. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. Love.

Rumi – There is a Field…. I Will Meet You There

As Rumi has said, there is a field…. I will meet you there – in whatever ways I can: physically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually – and we will amplify the light and healing that is already also at work in the world.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn’t make any sense.

We Were Made for These Times and We are the Ones We are Waiting For

Leave a comment

It has never been harder and more imperative than ever to accept the challenge offered by Clarissa Pinkola Estes when she wrote, in 2001, “Do not lose heart. We were made for these times.” And, as Gandolph said to Frodo, when Frodo lamented, “I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” “So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

It feels to me like we are in an overwhelming, fast-flowing white water rapids period of reality and history. Honestly, conditions and circumstances I never imagined would be my experience in my 6th decade of life. But here we are. Until recent years, maybe the last decade or two, I naively believed that democracy was a given. That hard fought wins would be the unchallenged status quo in perpetuity. I did not imagine that human rights are something that always need to be fought for. This is the lull of having grown up and come to adulthood in the relatively stable decades of the 70s to the 2000s. What a wakeup call.

How are white rapids survived? How do we find our way? As the Hopi Elders’ Prophecy, We are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For, from 2000, says: “There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.”

To find our footing, we need to find a way to navigate the rapids and then find our way out. To do that we need to allow ourselves to be carried by the current until we find a place of refuge, where we can find our footing. While this is happening, we must avoid entrapment or underwater obstacles where danger can engulf us. In today’s world, entrapment could mean becoming lost in “doom scrolling” on our social media feeds or news apps. And there are so many places and ways we can find refuge – we just need to focus and to choose.

Here are a few suggestions for remembering that “we were made for these times” and “we are the ones we have been waiting for”.

  1. Reduce and limit social media scrolling and news watching. My own time dedicated to this has been significantly reduced compared to before the US election. It is possible to stay aware of what is going on in the world simply by perusing headlines and dedicating limited time to these endeavours, without staying long enough to be overwhelmed or to despair.
  2. Notice what is draining you or uplifting you. Turn your attention to sources of inspiration and focus your time on what uplifts you. Give yourself permission to do this because it is okay to find joy, laughter and connection to sustain yourself.
  3. Become aware of the conversations that drain your energy, evoke despair or anger. I seem to have a deep well of anger that surfaces if I pay too much attention to politics or the wars that are being waged – because I am an empath and because the harm to people wounds my heart and my spirit. When I become aware this is happening, I pull out my boundaries and turn my attention or the conversation elsewhere.
  4. Read the full Hopi Prophecy and Clarissa Pinkola Estes full essay as well as other poets and authors who offer reminders of courage and inspiration.
  5. Focus on what is within your control or influence and be or do those things. Sometimes it can take some effort to get started but once in motion it gets easier whether this is writing, meditating, activity, exercise, advocacy or whatever else feels meaningful or helpful to you.
  6. Deepen spiritual or mindfulness practices. They remind us that there is more to the world than the physicality of it and that minding our energy – what we take in and what we give off – is extraordinarily important and life giving.
  7. Know who your people are and hold them close. This can be family, friends, colleagues, authors, poets or people you follow who remind you of the humanity that is still flourishing out there. In another post, I provide a list of people and groups that provide me with inspiration. I may have lost faith in some humans but I have not lost faith in humanity.
  8. Create. Art. Crafts. Poetry. Other writing. Offerings that are in service to yourself and maybe in service to others. Remember we are not chasing perfection, we are evoking what is true for us in any given moment and sharing that to remind ourselves and each other that there are many ways of expression available to us.
  9. Be a spark of light. Este says, “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Personally, I am deep in creation with my partner Jerry Nagel and with my dear friend Dana Pearlman (Inner Wisdom Lab). I share more about that in this other post as well as links to some of our work. Jerry and I engage in Shades of Life Conversations with our dear friend Tenneson Woolf. These conversations are timely and nourishing.

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to what nourishes you. Extend this umbrella to the people you care about.  We are the ones we’ve been waiting for and we were made for these times.

Gift of the Hit

Leave a comment

About three years ago, I sat down for a coffee with Peter Davison to get caught up and share a few stories about journeys – soul journeys – and he invited me to become a  contributing author to Gift of the Hit: Collected Stories Volume 1. Peter’s own story about being diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his 40’s and the openings that cracked through his veneer of a dedicated, world traveling bachelor and speaker to allow him to love and be loved is inspirational. As he shared his story with others, naturally others shared their stories with him and the inspiration for Gift of the Hit was born.

my-gift-of-the-hit-quote

The story I share is “Soul Journey Beyond Human Tragedy” – another articulation of my mother’s journey with dementia, her death and how that called me to ask myself did I truly believe what I said about my own beliefs – about consciousness traveling, about soul work and soul journey. The answer became a resounding yes, but it took a few years of traveling with my mother in her journey to fully understand what that meant.

“The human tragedy story is so apparent it can obliterate the soul journey perspective. It is often hard to see beyond the sights, sounds and smells assaulting your senses, such as those that would stun me as I walked the halls of the “home” (the long-term care facility that was home to my mother in her last years). It was all so blinding, making it almost impossible to see anything beyond the physical. It was nearly impossible to see the fullness and vibrancy that exists just beyond the veil.

“Now, I am aware of the bubble of light that surrounds the home. The beautiful souls who therein might be making contributions to the world that most of us cannot see or understand and that makes my own spirit more joyful. I now hold my mother’s journey with an added degree of lightness and delight, which i have no doubt she feels. I know she is a great teacher for me – a teacher of journey, a teacher of love and a teacher of dying and death.” p. 62, Gift of the Hit, Vol 1. Special thanks to Joscelyn Duffy , who is also a contributor, for editing.

gift-of-the-hit-book-photoThe stories contributed to Volume 1 speak about courage, perseverance, resiliency, hope and more. Check out the list of authors, some of whom are personal friends, and story titles.