Tag: season of joy and sorrow

Kindness, Small Gestures, Generosity of Spirit: The Antidotes to a Challenging Year

Leave a comment

Jerry and I have heard from many that 2023 has been a difficult and challenging year. That has been true for us too.

Many people have described personal or business challenges, set within the context of news cycles full of increased war, a challenged economy, high interest rates, higher prices for just about everything, increased debt loads and higher rates of homelessness. Personally, as an example, I have become price sensitive at the grocery store, which had never been the case. The cost of groceries is a common topic of discussion amongst friends and family.

With so much chaos all around us, it can be hard to focus on the good, the small gestures, kindness, the heartwarming stories. For some, it almost feels like we are not allowed to find the joy and yet not doing so only hurts us while not solving any of the issues we see, but have no influence over.

The Season of Amplification

And, now, we are in the “festive” season and the stress for many is more intense. We carry expectations about the holidays, about how they should be, about what we should do, buy, make or gift. Yes, it can be a season of joy and it is equally likely to be a season of grief and both at the same time. As I wrote years ago, ‘tis the season of amplification. Whatever we are feeling, we may feel with more intensity. So, how do we stay grounded, connected, nourished and supported amidst so much intensity and chaos in the world?

Embrace the Possibilities, Small Gestures, Kindness and Generosity of Spirit

So many possibilities. Seek out, remember and offer small gestures, kindness, and generosity of spirit. Offer a sincere compliment to someone and watch their face light up. I do this whenever I see someone bring vibrancy to their role or interactions or extend great service or courtesy to others. It makes a difference and it is easy to do. It is following through on noticing.

Connection and Relationship

Find connection in all ways that matter and especially through all forms of relationship. Relationship with loved ones and particularly with the little ones in our lives. Give them the gift of time and attention. All the moments I spend with my grandchildren or with Jerry’s, bring me joy and delight, as I see and experience the world through their eyes. The relationships I have with my and Jerry’s adult children are gratifying and provide sustenance.  

Christmas Tree ornaments made by my grandchildren, 2023

Relationships with extended family, friends, neighbours and colleagues who care and who we care about. Relationship with nature, to stay present and keep perspective. Accessing the music, books and movies that make us feel, while reducing media and social media that drags us down.

Relationship with Self Also Matters

We can also offer small gestures and kindnesses in our relationship with self, taking care of mental and physical health and well-being. We might not be able to affect a lot of what goes on in the world, but we can influence and impact those within our circles of influence, including ourselves.

The Promise of 2024

As I look ahead, 2024 holds lots of potential and possibilities. Writing brings Jerry and me joy. We have a couple of projects we’ve been working on that we hope to see come to fruition in 2024. They are The Little Book of Great Grandparenting and Dancing on the Razor’s Edge of Change, both of which include contributions from friends and colleagues.

Jerry and I are beginning a very exciting partnership with a global company that will take our Worldview Intelligence work to new levels, new clients and new cities. We can’t wait to see what emerges as a result.

My Wish for Us All

My wish for you, for me and my loved ones, for the world, for 2024 and beyond, is for peace, hope, connection, joy, and prosperity. The ability to both sit with and work through the tough spots and varied emotional experiences that show up along the way. The ability to influence the world around us in extraordinary and positive ways. The ability to invite and entertain different worldview perspectives, so we find our way in the world with beauty and grace. 

All the best of this Holiday Season, from me to you.

You Can Cry If You Want To!

Leave a comment

2020! Christmas. Unlike any other I have experienced. Thanks to Coronavirus, the spread of it, illness and deaths because of it, precautions we take to reduce the spread and try to keep ourselves from contracting it – for ourselves and our loved ones. For everyone I know, this means smaller family bubbles for the holidays. And this makes me sad. Deeply, profoundly sad.

In 2011, I wrote this post describing Christmas as the season of amplification – of joy and of sorrow. It was the last Christmas my mother was alive – just barely, in long term care because of dementia. Emotions are always present in our lives if we have lived a minute. Every year of life this becomes more so as life’s experiences continue to accumulate.

This is the first Christmas without my dad. It is the first Christmas since we’ve been together that Jerry will not be with me for Christmas. The first Christmas my whole family cannot gather in one place. It’s been a year, as consultants, that all our client work has been postponed. Travel stopped. It’s all still disorienting.

The nativity scene I have had for 3 decades. The nativity scene my parents likely had for 6 decades. With the snow people that were at my parent’s house. Snow people my mother gave me many years ago, atop the china cabinet from dad’s house, surrounded by paintings from dad’s house. My Christmas tree with my grandson trying to make himself invisible while looking for ornaments to take off the tree.

Yet, we’ve been re-imagining our business during this time, opening new explorations and looking to the future. A vaccine is on the horizon. Next Christmas will look different again – hopefully in more ways we celebrate rather than mourn. In the meantime, my house is decorated. The tree is up. Jerry and I have a tentative plan to be together for a month post-Christmas.

I continue to reflect on my experience and how to move with and through the unusual holiday season. Here are 10 thoughts on how to do this.

  1. You can cry if you want to. Encourage the tears. Let them flow. A good cry is healthy.
  2. Laugh. You may not feel much like laughing, but laughter lifts the spirits, is good for the soul and is also healthy. And, it’s okay to laugh, give yourself permission, even as the world is different than it used to be. Watch funny movies, remember funny events, read books that make you laugh.
  3. Connect. Bubble with the friends or family you have chosen to bubble with and spend time with them. Reach out to other people you care about. Text. Phone. Video call. Think particularly about the people you know are alone or suffering even more than you. There are some who have no one to bubble with.
  4. Find or create comfort for yourself. This could be food, books, movies, music, traditions you allow yourself to carry out even if you are alone or have a smaller bubble. Decorating my tree with my small family bubble was one for me. Making gingerbread cookies to share will be another. Wrapping myself in a blanket to watch a movie or read a book brings comfort.
  5. If you are buying Christmas gifts, shop local. It’s always a good idea and never more needed. Support local craftspeople, artists and shop owners. And make donations to people in more need than you.
  6. Support a local restaurant that offers take out. Buy a meal for yourself and buy one for someone else if you can.
  7. Allow yourself to revisit all the beautiful memories of other holidays. Sink into them and let them wash over you. Last year, my dad was not well. Jerry was here and we spent a lot of time in Lunenburg with him – including bringing Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and other family festivities to him over a 2 week period. We knew it might be his last. It was time well spent and makes me smile. There are so many more memories that make me smile – decades of them.
  8. Take care of your body. Sleep. Exercise. Walk. Eat reasonably well.
  9. Take care of your mental and emotional wellbeing. 2020 is a time when anxiety, depression and emotional balance have been extraordinarily challenged. Then add in the stress that can come with the holidays. Reduce the things that cause you increased anxiety. This might be putting yourself on a social media diet. Or taking medication. Or deciding not to do a particular thing this year. Last year, for me, it was a decision not to do gingerbread houses – a treasured tradition for me for more than 2 decades. Not doing them this year either. Do or don’t do whatever else will contribute to your emotional and mental well-being.
  10. Look to the future. Next Christmas, hopefully, we will not be talking small family bubbles but be able to gather in our extended family and friend networks again without fear of spreading a virus. 2021 brings a promise deeper than our usual New Years. We couldn’t have anticipated that 2020 would be the shit show it has been, but the future holds promise.

For those of you who have lost loved ones in the last year, I send love and compassion. To those on the front lines of battling coronavirus, I send gratitude. To everyone masking up, washing hands, trying to follow arrows in stores and keeping your contact with others minimal, thank you. We’ve got this. We just need a touch more patience and willingness to be disciplined in our behaviours.