We Were Made for These Times and We are the Ones We are Waiting For

It has never been harder and more imperative than ever to accept the challenge offered by Clarissa Pinkola Estes when she wrote, in 2001, “Do not lose heart. We were made for these times.” And, as Gandolph said to Frodo, when Frodo lamented, “I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” “So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

It feels to me like we are in an overwhelming, fast-flowing white water rapids period of reality and history. Honestly, conditions and circumstances I never imagined would be my experience in my 6th decade of life. But here we are. Until recent years, maybe the last decade or two, I naively believed that democracy was a given. That hard fought wins would be the unchallenged status quo in perpetuity. I did not imagine that human rights are something that always need to be fought for. This is the lull of having grown up and come to adulthood in the relatively stable decades of the 70s to the 2000s. What a wakeup call.

How are white rapids survived? How do we find our way? As the Hopi Elders’ Prophecy, We are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For, from 2000, says: “There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.”

To find our footing, we need to find a way to navigate the rapids and then find our way out. To do that we need to allow ourselves to be carried by the current until we find a place of refuge, where we can find our footing. While this is happening, we must avoid entrapment or underwater obstacles where danger can engulf us. In today’s world, entrapment could mean becoming lost in “doom scrolling” on our social media feeds or news apps. And there are so many places and ways we can find refuge – we just need to focus and to choose.

Here are a few suggestions for remembering that “we were made for these times” and “we are the ones we have been waiting for”.

  1. Reduce and limit social media scrolling and news watching. My own time dedicated to this has been significantly reduced compared to before the US election. It is possible to stay aware of what is going on in the world simply by perusing headlines and dedicating limited time to these endeavours, without staying long enough to be overwhelmed or to despair.
  2. Notice what is draining you or uplifting you. Turn your attention to sources of inspiration and focus your time on what uplifts you. Give yourself permission to do this because it is okay to find joy, laughter and connection to sustain yourself.
  3. Become aware of the conversations that drain your energy, evoke despair or anger. I seem to have a deep well of anger that surfaces if I pay too much attention to politics or the wars that are being waged – because I am an empath and because the harm to people wounds my heart and my spirit. When I become aware this is happening, I pull out my boundaries and turn my attention or the conversation elsewhere.
  4. Read the full Hopi Prophecy and Clarissa Pinkola Estes full essay as well as other poets and authors who offer reminders of courage and inspiration.
  5. Focus on what is within your control or influence and be or do those things. Sometimes it can take some effort to get started but once in motion it gets easier whether this is writing, meditating, activity, exercise, advocacy or whatever else feels meaningful or helpful to you.
  6. Deepen spiritual or mindfulness practices. They remind us that there is more to the world than the physicality of it and that minding our energy – what we take in and what we give off – is extraordinarily important and life giving.
  7. Know who your people are and hold them close. This can be family, friends, colleagues, authors, poets or people you follow who remind you of the humanity that is still flourishing out there. In another post, I provide a list of people and groups that provide me with inspiration. I may have lost faith in some humans but I have not lost faith in humanity.
  8. Create. Art. Crafts. Poetry. Other writing. Offerings that are in service to yourself and maybe in service to others. Remember we are not chasing perfection, we are evoking what is true for us in any given moment and sharing that to remind ourselves and each other that there are many ways of expression available to us.
  9. Be a spark of light. Este says, “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

Personally, I am deep in creation with my partner Jerry Nagel and with my dear friend Dana Pearlman (Inner Wisdom Lab). I share more about that in this other post as well as links to some of our work. Jerry and I engage in Shades of Life Conversations with our dear friend Tenneson Woolf. These conversations are timely and nourishing.

Take care of yourself. Pay attention to what nourishes you. Extend this umbrella to the people you care about.  We are the ones we’ve been waiting for and we were made for these times.

An Antidote to Panic is Grounding

Panic is a sudden, overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety. It can come upon us suddenly, possibly caused by an amygdala hijack, which essentially overrides the thinking, logical functions of our brains, generating the freeze, flight, fight automatic response. There are any range of situations that can move us into panic, actual and imagined, and it isn’t “logical” or “rational” because it originates in the most primitive part of the brain, the part of the brain in charge of all of the automatic functions of the body we don’t think about, like breathing, digestion, blood circulation.

Grounding is an antidote to panic. Grounding can take any number of forms. Taking a deep breath. Counting to 10 (yes, it works). Tuning into the body, shutting out distractions. Putting feet on the floor or the ground and feeling the connection to something outside of yourself. Stepping outside, feeling the dirt, grass or trees with feet or hands.

I think sometimes we feel embarrassed when panic overtakes us. Like every emotional experience, acknowledging the panic, overwhelm and embarrassment is important. All of these reactions make us human and we are not alone in our emotional experiences. Likely, we have all been there. So, let us grant ourselves the grace we would offer to others, take another deep breath and decide on the next best step we are capable of taking.

An Antidote to Discouragement is Resilience

The word resilience can get a bit of a bad rap these days, as if having the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties should not be celebrated. Some would say too much resilience can make us overly tolerant of adversity. And, I’ve heard it said, “bouncing back” may not be healthy for us, so let’s “bounce forward” instead. Semantics? We can define this in many ways and I choose the ways that build strength for me.

When I considered what is an antidote to discouragement, resilience immediately came into my mind. Discouragement can weigh heavy and can cause us to lose sight of the beauty, grace and achievements in life – ours, others, the world.

I embrace the qualities of resilience, a reminder that I have gotten through every hard day of my life so far. I can bounce back or bounce forward – whatever it takes to move beyond the discouragement that can show up when I feel like I haven’t achieved enough, that things are not going “my way”, that progress on women’s rights, human rights, LGBTQ+ issues, marriage rights, book banning, social justice issues and more seems halted or even going backwards, it is resilience that gets me through. Reminds me to look for the good in humanity, the people who are standing up and the circles of support I directly and indirectly connect into. It reminds me to bring compassion to people who experience the world and the issues differently than I do.

Where do you find yourself embracing resilience in the face of discouragement?

A Radical Thought About Forgiveness

My radical thought about healing is that we can release ourselves from the hold and from the impact of the harm others have done to us without necessarily having to forgive them. This is an evolution of my thinking about forgiveness and counter to much of the prevailing thought about it. Hear me out.

In the new book I am writing, Accessing Your Healing Power Within, there is a chapter dedicated to forgiveness. I start the chapter with a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr.: “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

I completely agree with this quote. I would say it is about touching into our humanity to see the humanity in someone else and to not get lost in our own hate of another. I have thought about the topic of forgiveness a lot over the years, having experienced intense, sustained emotional and psychological trauma by someone who was in my life for quite awhile.

In psychology, forgiveness is generally defined as “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” This is followed by the caveat that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offences.

In thinking about the person who did harm to me, who had power over me and some of my emotional experiences for far too long for reasons I will not get into here, recently I have been asking myself, “Have I forgiven them?” This person no longer has a hold on me, no longer impacts my emotional experience, no longer has the ability to take power from me and I no longer give away my power to them. I don’t hate them, I don’t feel resentment nor do I feel a need for vengeance. But, when I sense into the question, “Have I forgiven them?” the answer keeps coming back as no. Which I find fascinating and which has sparked this deeper inquiry. Will I forgive them eventually? It is doubtful and I am realizing it is okay.  That person not only harmed me, they harmed other people I love and continue to do harm to others. This will likely until the day they die.

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New growth comes out of the hardest spots.

A person I love deeply is currently in the grips of someone who is doing my person harm. Eventually, I trust that my loved one will find it in themselves to become free from this situation. I choose to believe this and that is another story. Will I forgive the person who is doing the harm? I understand where they are coming from. I understand the background. I can have empathy for why they act the way they do. But will I forgive them for the harm they are doing to my loved one and, by extension, to a network of loved ones? What about the harm they are likely to inflict on others over time, even once my loved one finds a different path? I am doubtful I will forgive that person for the havoc they have wreaked. Unless they are able to change their ways, how they treat others is unforgivable.

There are many people, acts and behaviours I can, have and will forgive. I get that true forgiveness does not condone behaviour. I get that we forgive for ourselves, not the other person. But really what we are striving for is to be released from the emotional hold that another person, their actions or behaviours has or has had on us. My radical thought is, we can release ourselves from that hold and from the impact of the hurt without necessarily forgiving. And I think that might be okay. Maybe this is what people mean when they talk about forgiveness. Maybe we need another word for this.

In the book I write, “You cannot wear your forgiveness for someone else as a badge of honour. Forgiveness is an act of humility. And, in my experience, especially in the most challenging of situations, it is one of the most difficult things to do and also one of the most freeing.” I still think this is true in many ways. And, I am now expanding and reframing my thinking. We can heal without forgiving the most atrocious things that have been done to us. We can become free through healing that does not have to include, or preclude, forgiveness of others.

Which leaves me with another question. Can we heal without self-forgiveness? And my initial response is that we need self-forgiveness, like self-compassion and self-love to truly access our healing power within