Identity – Reconnecting to Who We at our Core

May 18, 2025Leave a comment

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about identity lately – sparked, in part, to recently having a First Person Account published by CBC titled “I had a loving family. My life changed at 46 when my birth sister revealed I was adopted. My parents hid my adoption. But somehow, the truth brought us closer.”

I’ve been doing a series of videos over at the Inner Wisdom Lab Youtube channel where I speak to various aspects of identity and offer a few guided visualizations for anyone looking to connect more deeply to their own core essence. And there are more to come.

I have now known about being adopted for 17 years, which seems a bit incredulous. Finding out sparked an identity expansion in some ways. In a moment, everything changed, yet nothing changed – with respect to my life, my immediate family and my sense of identity.

Identity and Core Essence

In thinking about identity, I am curious about what is underneath personality traits, skills, abilities, life events … and, I have arrived at core essence. The most basic and important attribute of self that provides a sense of who we are, the inner foundation of being. This essence is constant. In this 7 minute video, I speak about core essence or identity and, in this 10 minute one, I offer a guided visualization for anyone wishing to connect with their own sense of identity or core essence.

Identity and Roles

Sometimes we know and sense our core essence with absolute clarity. Other times it is obscured by layers and layers of roles, expectations – our own and others, doubt, hubris, the minutia of life, disappointments and external successes collected over the course of a life journey. We learn to not trust ourselves, our own inner knowing or wisdom or what our highest self whispers to us along the way. I speak about identity and roles in this 12 minute video and offer a 20 minute guided visualization for any wishing to review the timeline of their life, the roles they took on or were thrust upon them, the gifts in the roles and the opportunity to choose to more fully inhabit some roles and shed others that no longer serve.

DNA and Chosen Family Lineages

Perhaps not surprisingly, over the last 17 years I have also thought about lineage – a lot. DNA and chosen family lineage. DNA does not necessarily a family make. As someone who has been adopted, I feel both of these lineages strongly. I imagine there might be others who feel this way – rooted in at least 2 lineages, if not more.

I have felt most closely connected to my chosen family lineage. One could argue that they chose me since I was a baby at the time. But, if you believe in soul choices and choices made before incarnating, then we chose each other. This is the lineage I grew up with and claimed as my own, since I knew no other until I found out I was adopted. It is very much a part of my sense of self. For a long time, my biological lineage felt abstract.

In more recent times, having connected with a biological cousin who shared the gift of all the genealogical research she has done on my birth mother’s side of the family, something shifted. My sister and I knew that our birth mother’s mother (our grandmother) had had multiple children with different fathers. Our understanding was she had given all the babies up.

I had no idea how many blanks were actually there until that knowledge was shared with me. My birth grandmother had eight children with five different fathers and had not, in fact, given them all up – only the first two, one of which was my birth mother, the second child, raised by an aunt and uncle. Now I have my birth grandmother’s name, and the names of her parents, children, and their fathers, as well as information about the relationships. Having knowledge of my genealogy brings a sense of balance and wholeness I did not expect even as I do not feel a need to connect with all the names that are now etched in my birth lineage.

Identity and Place or Geography

Place and geography influence and shape our sense of identity – where we grew up, where we live, other places that have had a significant influence on our own sense of self. Interestingly, this can expand beyond our own experience to include places that family members are from. I very much have a sense of French Quebec heritage through my dad and of Newfoundland heritage through my mother’s mother (yes I mean the family I grew up in for any who wonder).

My partner, Jerry, is strongly influenced by growing up in the US mid-west. He refers to himself as a flatlander who does not like edges. I, on the other hand, grew up on the coast in a fishing town. People in my family were said to have had the “sea in their blood”. I muse on the influence of place and geography in this 9 minute video and invite people who listen to reflect on what parts of their identity have been shaped by where they grew up or where they live.

Is Finding Your Birth Family a Good Idea?

I am sometimes asked, is searching for your birth family a good idea? One the one hand, it is hard for me to say since this decision was not in my hands. But it reminds me of the famous quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet – “to be or not to be” – although I am not entirely sure way. Searching for birth family is very much an individual choice. Not everyone wants to search, not everyone wants to be found, not everyone connects in relationship and not every story has a happy ending.

Having said that, if you are someone who knows you have biological family out there and are wondering whether it is a good idea, be aware of the expectations and hopes that you carry, and know that for some, it does not or will not answer the questions they are carrying. This can be hugely disappointing.

On the other hand, actually meeting people may not even be necessary to receive answers – like having my birth family tree suddenly fleshed out. And, for many, there are solid relationships that emerge and evolve over time. For my full sister and I, it is almost as if the 40 year gap did not exist.

Me and my sister in Mexico - a year after we reconnected.

On the whole though, there is an invitation to embrace your identity – all of it. And in so doing, remembering what was here before the physical body and after it is gone. It is all essence.

Ancestral Lineages and Why Invite Ancestors into the Core of Our Personal and Professional Work

October 9, 2024Leave a comment

For those who understand that there is more to life than the physical – that life includes the meta-physical, energetic or spiritual – we know that our lives cannot be separated from the living world within which we are formed, grow, mature and die. This includes a host of living beings, nature spirits, the elements and our human ancestors.

Just like we stand on the shoulders of those who have recently come before us, there is a long lineage of ancestral support that has carved out the path which we now trod. Their support is available to us, whether we are consciously aware or not. We always have the opportunity and ability to invite the ancestors into our lives and many of us do this through some form of prayer, ritual or other acknowledgement.

Ancestral lineages are strong. Our ancestors overcame many hardships to shape a life of meaning, purpose, spirituality and success. Their resilience came from a deep faith that sustained them. Not all who have died become spiritual ancestors; only those who have lived a full measure of life, cultivated moral values and achieved distinction attain this status. Without our ancestors, none of us would exist. We are the living embodiment of our ancestors’ dreams. We honour them with offerings of prayer or other ritual and through acknowledging their presence on a regular basis.

Ancestors are custodians of our lives. They occupy a position of dignity and awe among descendants and they hold great wisdom and knowledge. They have the power to influence the future. They bring good fortune and protect living relatives and future generations when called in. They teach us that the most meaningful life is one lived in service to and for others.

Just as the ancestors are available to us on a personal level, they are also available and ready to support us in our communities and the work we do. In some ways, not acknowledging them, not calling them in, can seem irresponsible, causing us to operate through ego and without the full awareness of all that is available. Deliberately calling the ancestors into community convenings or group gatherings or other facilitation provides a deep foundation from which to be present, to trust and to do the work. In some gatherings this is done transparently in the group, but it doesn’t have to be with the full group. They can be called in silently, they can be called in by the hosting team and they can be invited prior to the gathering.

We can ask for their guidance and make specific requests. We can call on them to bring wisdom, knowledge and support for the actions we take. Our ancestors offer great spiritual guidance and power. They are a deep wellspring of blessings, healing and resource. As we call them in, we bring a different level of presence and potency into our lives and into our work that includes the groups and communities we serve and convene.

We each have support beyond what we think possible. As we hold so much, may we soften, expand our consciousness and open into all that which can hold us.

Enchantments and Enchanted Spaces

September 7, 2024Leave a comment

When I moved into my home in 2010, I had always felt like I had been called to it – or it had called to me. The house I had been living in prior to divorce sold within 24 hours of listing it, with a month to close. This may be one of the most powerful enchantments I have ever done, without actually knowing what I was doing. I wove a spell of letting go and welcome around that house daily for months before the house was listed.

I was wandering through my now neighbourhood the day my old house was being viewed and saw an open house sign. I accepted that invitation and knew immediately upon entering that this was my house. Although my agent took me to see other houses, I didn’t need to see any others. The previous owner was willing to move sooner than he had anticipated – within three weeks – because it was a sale with no conditions.

Lots of Transformation over the Years

Fourteen years later, I still feel the same. There has been a lot of transformation in the house and on the property. It started with converting most of a large storage room into my office as soon as I moved in. That idea came about as I stood, looking out that basement window, saying to myself, in a perfect world, this room would be my office. So mote it be.

Property Transformation

Property transformation began one summer when Jerry was visiting. He took the gardening tools to the trees in what had become an overgrown backyard wilderness of sorts. I learned a lot about being ruthless in taking down tree limbs, line of sight, pausing to see how things looked, before going too far. Trimming the undergrowth from a front hedge became a summer project another year. Other yard work was sparked because my son and daughter-in-law love digging in the dirt and cutting up wood. Projects started while they visited became my mission.

Painting Odyssey

Then there was the painting odyssey of 2020 – thank you Covid. Every room in the house was rearranged, purging did transpire, and fresh colour adorned every wall and piece of trim in the house by early fall.

2022 saw new decks – one that Jerry and I built on our own, nestled a bit higher up than the main deck and into the trees, making it feel like a completely different space and energy – almost like it was in the woods rather than attached to the main deck. A contractor replaced that one.

This spring (2024) saw the takedown of a huge, three-trunk elm tree from my front yard after a large branch came crashing down in big winds, Easter weekend. It was leaning over my house and beginning the slow rot from the inside, so it needed to come down. It has since been transformed into firewood. And, I’m working on removing the oil tank and furnace, to be replaced by heat pumps, this fall.

Enchanted Playhouse and Space

I have often thought about building a playhouse for my grandchildren in a portion of my backyard. That idea was put on hold for a variety of reasons. One recent weekend, as I looked out a stairwell window, I saw that neighbours across the street had put out a child’s hard plastic playhouse for anyone to pick up.

Magically, a playhouse is now in my backyard. It is not the wooden structure I thought I would build – maybe that will come later – but the magical sense of this little house in my backyard, at the end of a path (that once led to something else) truly lends itself to a feeling of enchantment. My grandchildren love it. Looking out from the deck or the living room window, the whole space now looks like an enchanted opening in the wyrd wood where fairies, wood elves and nymphs, and the spirits of the land will now come to gather and spread their magic in the same way I was drawn to my home the very first time I saw it.

The Gift of Illuminating Lineage

September 2, 2024Leave a comment

Anyone who knows anything of my life story knows it is complex and convoluted, impossible to follow unless you are one of the main characters. This great meme “when someone asks about your family and you’re trying to decide if you should tell them the Disney or Jerry Springer version” is beyond apt. Up until 2008, I thought my story to be relatively “uneventful, normal and straightforward”. In January of that year, an unexpected FB message arrived: “You don’t know me and I don’t mean to upset you, but I have reason to believe you might be my sister”. In one way, it upended everything. In another way, I had already developed a strong sense of self through coaching support and personal and spiritual journey.

It became an intriguing drama as story upon story about birth family members unfolded, some more complete than others. I wrote about what I knew at the time in my memoir, Embracing the Stranger in Me: A Journey to Openheartedness. I had the opportunity to meet my birth father, my full sister and my half-sister and their families. There was a fair bit known about the paternal lineage – although, probably not surprisingly, not everything, as we discovered the actual story of my birth grandfather. He was an alcoholic and it had been assumed he had died derelict on the streets of Halifax. However, meeting a cousin, the daughter of my birth father’s brother, revealed that story was much different and he had died in a care facility as a recovering alcoholic who thought he had had a pretty good life.

The Mystery of Our Birth Mother

However, for my full sister, Deb, and I, the story of our birth mother was much more opaque. We knew a few things. She had left her family behind (my birth father, sister and me), taking off with a friend of our birth father, for Montreal. In her defence, she was just twenty years old with a three-year-old and an infant in the early 60s. She may have had postpartum depression and she was promised they would come back for the babies.

For a long time, we did not what happened to her in Montreal or how she ended up in British Columbia where she established a good life for herself. She married and she and her husband adopted a daughter because she could no longer have babies. Our birth mother died in 2007. I never did have the chance to meet her although Deb did. It was her death that sparked the search for me.

Now friends with her adopted daughter, we learned more about our birth mother’s life, including the fact she had been prostituted out by the man she had trusted and gone to Montreal with. Speculating here, but the shame of that made her want to forget about life before that, including the fact she had two daughters. She was very secretive and never shared that part of her history with her husband or daughter while she was alive.

The Bigger Mystery of Our Birth Grandmother

Deb and I knew our birth mother’s mother – our grandmother – had had multiple children with multiple dads and we had been told she had given them all away. Not even clear if that meant adoption. And that is all we knew. Until a recent conversation with a biological cousin whose mom was sisters with our birth mom. My cousin happens to also be a Kathie – different spelling and different variation of our formal names.

This connection came to be because my sister and I agreed to enter our DNA sample to Ancestry.com, in the wondering of whether we would find out information related to our maternal lineage – although neither one of us applied much effort to it. Interestingly, we did discover we didn’t quite know everything about our paternal lineage as another half-sister contacted us a couple of years ago now. That is a story for another time.

Mysteries Solved

Kathie has done a significant amount of research – through Ancestry and in the search for birth, marriage and death certificates. Our birth mom was #2 of 8 and Kathie’s mom was #3 and the first baby our birth grandmother – Audrey – kept, at the behest of her mother and stepfather. Baby #1 was given up for adoption and the trail to find her is cold. Baby #2 was our birth mother and we know she ended up with aunts and uncles – not once but twice, due to the death of the aunt and uncle who originally took her in.

Babies #4 and #5 were with a man Audrey moved in with and, after he left, she moved in with another man and babies #6, 7 and 8 arrived. You have to remember this was back in the 1940s and 50s. This kind of life journey was almost unheard of and was certainly not glorified. I have no idea of the amount of trauma that had to be present or what the circumstances of their lives must have been.

Illuminating Lineage

The gift in talking to my cousin was the filling in of so many missing details – including the name of our birth grandmother and her parents – the gift of illuminating lineage. I hadn’t realized how powerful this could be. One side of the lineage had been pretty fully sketched out; the other side was obscured or in shadow. You know it is there, but you can’t access it.

If you can imagine a tree where one side is lit and the other side is dark and you can’t even imagine the shape of it except you believe there must be some kind of symmetry or balance. Then, imagine the whole tree is lit and now you can see it in detail and what you cannot see likely does not matter too much anymore.

The Power of Illumination

I hadn’t realized the disparity in weight or lack of balance that this created – until the other side of the family tree was illuminated. Now in my mind’s eye, I can see, or more accurately sense, all the branches – the full tree. On one level, the names don’t matter, the symmetry is there. Yet, knowing the names also has meaning and depth. I know my birth grandmother’s name, Audrey, and it makes her more real. I know more of her story and it makes her more real. It takes something that was intangible and makes it tangible. If you have never experienced this, it is far more powerful than it sounds because it happens through many senses, not just through intellectual knowing. It is emotional, psychological, spiritual. It brings a wholeness to something that was like a phantom limb. It is a felt sense about it.

Having experienced everything that I have experienced over the last decade and a half (or really my entire life), I now know these stories are all still evolving. I don’t know what I don’t know. But I am appreciative of this gift of knowing biological lineage – for Deb and me. Blanks have been filled in and this has enlivened a sense of lineage that had been stumped in ways I had not fathomed. It is like it breathes new life and possibilities into my heart, spirit, soul and consciousness. It offers new perspectives and possibilities and brings a sense of wholeness I had not known I lacked. And, it is not necessary to develop relationships with all the biological family who are still alive. It is enough just to know.

Who Do I Mean When I Say, “My Parents”

Note. People often wonder, when I refer to my parents who do I mean? Always, always, my parents are the people who raised me. Their commitment and love are as much and sometimes more of me than the DNA that connects me to biological lineage. I know this is the same for many adoptees, although for sure not all. My biological parents are not my “real parents”, they are my biological parents. DNA does not a family make. Commitment and relationship does.

A Cautionary Note

There are many stories that have been published about joyful reunions, a sense of belonging, and deep relationships that have been forged when biological relatives have connected or reconnected. Some people feel a deep yearning for these kinds of connections. Not everyone who has been adopted or has given a child up feels that way. There is no one uniform experience or desire. Individual wishes and privacy must be respected when this the case. And, once you do connect with biological family, there is no guarantee that it will be warm and fuzzy. In one way, it’s no different than family units that have grown up together. In my situation, the relationships and connections vary – which is to be connected – and the closest relationship is with Deb. This could be because we have the same biological parents, it could be because I do remember her from when we were young or there could be any other range of factors that contribute to this. All this to say, approach these explorations with as much caution as optimism and hope. Not every story has a happy ending.

Accessing Your Inner Healing Power: Guided Visualizations

August 9, 2024August 13, 2024Leave a comment

My memoir, Embracing the Stranger in Me: A Journey to Openheartedness, describes my spiritual and healing journey over the first half of my adult life. It was, by and large, a journey of accidental discoveries. Along the way, I tapped into my ability to “see” spirit guides and to offer deep and profound guided visualizations for others.

I have been considering this kind of one-on-one offering for a while now. Recently, I was inspired by one of Lee Harris’s energy updates where he spoke about Sacred Arts Rising and the impulse to share creations in a new and different way.

Embracing my spiritual identity more fully, I have decided to offer one-on-one guided visualizations with the possibility of adding on a follow-up call. We are living in times of significant shift, change and upheaval. Our best recourse for finding our way is to be grounded in who we are – embracing all of who we are. This offering is one resource to support you in this journey.

What

A 1.5 hour guided visualization where you have the opportunity to connect deeply with yourself or with your guides for any of the following purposes:

To access your power and discover ways to live into it more fully.
To access your hidden or forgotten talents and gifts.
To meet a past and/or future self for guidance, messages or gifts.
To meet your spirit guide(s)/power animal(s) and ask them for guidance, messages or gifts.

The Process

This is not me relaying information to you. This is a collaborative process where I provide structure through the visualization, you tune into what is emerging for you and we have a conversation to stay tuned into what is true in the moment.

To schedule an appointment, click here.

Where

On zoom – a link will be shared for the session.

Follow Up Option

These are stand-alone sessions although some people like to do a follow-up to share what happened post the session and ask any questions that are lingering. This would be a 1 hour session.

Fee and Payment

$150 for the guided visualization session.

$225 for the guided visualization and the follow-up.

Payment can be made through e-transfer in Canada, sent to or through paypal from anywhere else, to the email kathy.jourdain@gmail.com. Sessions are not confirmed until payment is received.

To schedule an appointment, click here.

Testimonials

“My guided visualization with Kathy connected me to my spirit guides, with vibrant imagery. I go back to this imagery over and over again for guidance and to tap into a revitalizing energy.”

“I gained valuable insights into patterns in my life that were holding me back and discovered gifts I forgot that I had that I now draw on regularly.”

“Kathy’s voice invites a journey, her questions provide great guidance in the experience and the inner resources that are illuminated offers profound insights into alternative pathways.”

Additional Resources – Journey and Visualization Recordings

What is a Guided Visualization? I speak about it in this post where you can also find a link to a 1 minute audio recording.

What happens in a one-on-one guided visualization? Access the post and short audio recording here.

What is a group guided visualization and how does it work? Access the post and the link to a short audio recording here.

In this post which includes a 7 minute voice recording, shortly after my memoir, Embracing the Stranger in Me: A Journey to Openheartedness was published, I talk about the Compelling Nature of the Journey – so much so that you have to respond to the call of life.

This journey for me was an opening to gifts and talents I did not think possible for me or available to me. I had imagined only “special”, “deeply gifted” and “powerful” people would have access to these kinds of gifts. The realization over time is that we all have access, we all have gifts. Most of us just need to find our way through the persistent story telling that tells us otherwise, that tells us that these experiences are not real, that we are making them up. The mind does not know the difference between what we imagine and what is real – which is why visualization is so powerful. Check out the post and 8 minute audio recording here.

An Antidote to Shame is Transparency

June 1, 2023January 26, 2025Leave a comment

Most of us, if not all of us, have experienced shame at some point in our lives. The work of shame is so powerful that it shuts us down, depletes us of energy and makes us want to hide. It can rob us of vitality and voice. It can feel like shame is sending out signals that you are a person who has failed, that here is someone who wasn’t smart enough to figure out something, someone who misjudged a situation.

An antidote to shame is transparency, using your voice, sharing your story. From my own experience when I felt the power of shame, a few times over the course of my life’s journey, relief started with sharing my story with one or two trusted individuals who witnessed me in that moment. Their reactions – acknowledging, witnessing, validating, seeing the fullness of me beyond the particular situation for which I felt shame – was freeing. It restored trust in myself. Not immediately, but over time.

A partial definition of transparency is “the quality of allowing light to pass through” – and how uplifting to consider light passing through to our heart and soul, soul essence, the core of who we are. Transparency doesn’t have to mean proclaiming everything loudly to everyone – although those who do share profound stories that have been kept secret for a long time provide inspiration and hope for others who have experienced similar situations.

If you have experienced, or are experiencing, shame, know you are not your shame or your experience. Take the time you need to move through it. Find trusted spaces to share your story as transparently as possible and allow yourself to be witnessed into healing.

An Antidote to Inertia is Movement

May 31, 2023January 26, 2025Leave a comment

I am currently near a wild fire zone, near Bedford Nova Scotia, where I live. All my attention, and that of those around me, is focused on news and updates about the fires, evacuations, comfort stations, acts of courage (thanks to the fire fighters and everyone working to contain the many fires in our province right now), generous acts of kindness, people in search of support.

It is all consuming and can feel paralyzing. Grateful to be outside the fire zones and feeling for those who have lost their homes and, for some, their pets.

Inertia is the tendency to do nothing or to remain the same. It is also, in physics, the tendency of something in motion to continue in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force. For some of us, this could mean moving along in a mechanical or automatic manner, not thinking about what we are doing.

An antidote to inertia is movement. Intentional, thoughtful movement. Because I was very close to an evacuation zone last night, that thoughtful, intentional movement was packing up, preparing to leave quickly, with my cats, if that was needed.

While this is a very specific, situational example, the same can apply to any situation or time in life. Any time you notice that movement, or lack of movement, is automatic, mechanical you have an opportunity to make a choice. Sometimes, inertia serves us. It helps us get through a situation, a time, an emotional experience, a freeze or flight moment. When you realize it doesn’t serve anymore, you can make conscious, intentional movement toward the future you want to bring alive in your life.

Today, I will combat inertia through writing. Proposals, book editing, blog posts. And remind myself of all the people, things and situations who fuel my passion, life, love and joy. Because that is all still here, even as danger lurks nearby.

An Antidote to Distress is Blessings

May 30, 2023January 26, 2025Leave a comment

When we are feeling distress, we may feel unable to manage or cope with changes in our experiences, we may feel sad, afraid, anxious or lonely and may find it difficult to engage in normal life activities. For me, sometimes it feels like life moves in slow motion or like I am moving in slow motion through life. It can be hard to activate myself into motion.

Our thoughts fuel our feelings. Turning attention to what is going on in our minds enables us to change our thoughts and, thus, change our feelings. This is why an antidote to distress is blessings, thinking about the blessings we have in life, things we can be grateful for.

This is not about seeing life through rose coloured glasses. It is about deliberately turning our attention to focus on something that can make us feel better, lift us out of distress, so we can function in our day, week, life.

For me, it is children, grandchildren, my partner, his family, remembering my journey over the last 13 years in my home and all I have been able to accomplish here, the longer journey of my life with all its twists and turns, memories of my parents and grateful when they show up in my dreams, the work I do, the joy in writing, my quirky cats, friends and people I know and am connected to in a myriad of ways, good neighbours.

Really, there is no shortage of things to be grateful for. Where does your list begin?

Dad Would Have Been 90 Today – A Goal He Could Not Achieve

March 29, 2023January 26, 2025Leave a comment

My father had 2 goals in the latter years of his life. Live to be 90 and live out his days on his own in his house. There was never any question that he would go anywhere else. Unfortunately, those 2 goals turned out to be mutually exclusive. His health and mobility deteriorated to the point where even he could see he would no longer be able to live in his house. He died January 16, 2020, with all his faculties still intact. He was in hospital and knew he was dying. At one point on that day he said, “I’m on my way out.” Today would have been his 90^th birthday.

There is so much I could say about him, and have said about him in previous blog posts. Dad must have marvelled that he lived as long as he did, given the health issues he had for most of his life. He had a strong will to live and he was stubbornly determined. I love how he adjusted his expectations of what he could do to keep pace with the slow down of his body. He was resourceful and created many workarounds to be able to continue to do the things he wanted to do and loved to do.

It’s been 3 years and it feels like yesterday. I think about him and my mother almost every day and they both come to me regularly in my dreams. I am grateful for the deepening of our relationship over the last decade or two of dad’s life. I am grateful he got to know and become friends with my partner, Jerry. I am grateful he did not have to live through the chaos of the last three years. I think it would have devastated him.

I know how proud he was of me and I think about my own struggles in life and building a business, how challenging the last few years have been. I always I hope that I can live up to my father’s sense of pride in me, his hopes and expectations for me and my life. He continues to guide me and inspire me, both through what I have learned through his “mistakes” or struggles in life and what I have learned through his accomplishments. As my family constellations continue to expand in unexpected ways, I am grateful he and mom took me in as a baby and for his words, “It was love at first sight.”

He loved his grandchildren and always enjoyed spending time with them – even as he wished it was more time.

In the end there is only love, although in many ways, the story never ends.

Dad with Spencer and Jacob in 1993 on his prized Bluefin. Dad loved his grandsons.

Dad and Shasta – you can see the joy on his face

2022 – A Year of Tumultuousness and Of Joy

January 1, 2023January 26, 2025Leave a comment

New Year’s Day 2023. My 61^st birthday. A quiet morning reflecting on a tumultuous and now bygone year. Also, a year of abundant joy, good company growth with the creation and development of new offerings, and the beauty of deepening family relationships as we continue to create a village of support for our grandchildren.

Tumultuousness in The World and the Emotions This Evokes

Tumultuous largely because of world events that disturb and anger me that I am helpless to influence. I have a hard time grappling with how one deranged man can be responsible for so much destruction of life, infrastructure and peace. I imagine Ukrainian families waking up a year ago… life was normal. Their courage, bravery, persistence and passion for their homeland is an inspiration even as it brings out sorrow for hardships they should not have had to endure.

The state of political divisiveness in the world is another thing that disturbs me. I am exhausted by the lies, by people believing and acting on the lies, by the loss of moral compass for too many in political leadership and by the name calling. Name calling! Like children on the playground, except worse. Is it even possible that these public figures could return to a state of diplomacy and decency?

The repression of women’s rights – not just in faraway countries like Iran and Afghanistan but close by in the US as well – is another thing that enrages me. It makes me understand how fragile our rights are while fuming about how this happens. I see the courage of women who are standing up and taking incredible risks, putting their lives on the line, and I fear for them.

It’s Been Hard to Write About Life

I haven’t written much on this blog, mostly because there is so much I don’t know how to make sense of and in reviewing them now there is a lot of emotional angst expressed. (And also because we have been very focused on creating content for Worldview Intelligence and our clients.) There is a comic Jerry and I use in our work as an illustration of cognitive dissonance: my desire to be informed is at odds with my desire to remain sane. It completely describes how I feel about world news these days. I scan it because I want to know and scanning is usually as much as I can take. And I realize how privileged that makes me.

Focusing On What is in Your Circle of Influence is Not Trivial

The antidote, as always, is to focus where you have influence and on what brings you joy, contentment and peace. It can seem trivial when there is so much heaviness in the world. But if I can’t actually change what is happening in Ukraine, in politics or in so many of the systems that seem to be crashing – like health care – my sitting home, worrying about it, becoming depressed by it or sinking into despair is not going to change anything about those things, but it does impact me, my health, how I live and how I engage with those I interact with regularly. So, it’s not trivial. It is life giving, life affirming and essential.

Welcome the Children and Fresh Eyes

We welcomed a new grandchild into our family in February, making three grandbabies for me, in addition to Jerry’s four. I am blessed to have an active participation in their lives. I love having visits with any and all of them, with and without their parents. They call me into presence, joy and remembering how to see the world through new eyes. The relationships with my adult children are different in the best of ways as they have become parents. All of the grandparents have relationship and presence with the grandchildren, providing support for their parents but also providing the little ones with unique relationships with the adults in their lives. All of our lives are richer for it.

The Beauty of a Deepening Relationship and Learned Wisdom

Jerry and I often express appreciation and gratitude for how our relationship has evolved and deepened over the years, how we have each grown in being with each other. It is an unconventional relationship in some ways because we live in two different countries and we are also business partners. But it works for us. That is partly due to confidence and faith in our relationship. We have similar goals, which include each of us living close to our kids and our grandkids. We travel well together.

It is also due to the fact we have figured out how to let the stuff go that doesn’t matter. When we do have arguments, we have become wiser in disengaging with them before they get out of hand and we don’t pick up arguments that might have been unfinished because we recognize how little value there is in fueling them. We also know when to stop talking about politics or the differences between our two countries.

We focus on what works, what we appreciate about each other and the greater number of things that go well in our lives, relationship and our work.

While I wish for world peace, my contribution has to be through my peace, and that is not a trivial thing.