Tag: kindness

Tremulous Times Call for Radical Acts – of Kindness, Compassion, Empathy and Love

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STOP. Right now! Breathe….

Now, breathe more deeply – with each breath, notice the sensation of the breath filling your lungs and the life-giving oxygen moving throughout your body.

Now that you have paused and I have your attention, how are you feeling? Yes, really.  How are you feeling, right now? You are allowed to notice what is true for you, to embrace the fullness of who you are.

Tremulous Times

We are living in tremulous times. I do not have to share the litany of reasons why this is true. All of us who are paying even a little bit of attention – we all know them. Many of us knew it would be bad but the head-spinning velocity at which it is all coming at us can feel and be destabilizing. There are many who say that this is the goal – to overwhelm so much so that we lose hope, the ability to act, that we sink deeper into despair and feel completely disempowered.

For those of us who are empaths, we feel it all, including all that is happening to people, the earth, climate and the environment, in places near to and far from us. It can be debilitating. I know some are deeply challenged and it is all they can do to make it through a day.

For others of us, we have more choice. We can feed this energy and the energies that are indicative of a complete disregard for the sacredness of humanity and all living, sentient beings – or we can make a different choice, even on the days when it feels like our entire body is sludge, being dragged through clay or quicksand.

Radical Acts

Tremulous times call for radical acts – of kindness, compassion, empathy and love – to and for ourselves and to and for others, even as we secure our boundaries around what we are willing to let in and what we are not willing to have thrust upon us.

Kindness, compassion, empathy and love could be to and for the people directly around us or in our circles and it could be for anyone, anywhere on the globe who is need of it, in need of being seen, heard and acknowledged.

Amplify What is Good, Right and Healing in and for the World

It also means giving ourselves permission to experience joy and delight. To nurture our bodies, minds and souls for health and wellbeing and to be resourced against the assault on our sensibilities. It is not to turn a blind eye to what is happening in the world but it is to see and understand what is and is not within our control and to continue to action what is, no matter how small or insignificant it may feel. We often underestimate the power of small acts and actions and we do not know the full scope of who and what is in league with us in these choices. We may not be aware of how we can contribute to amplifying others actions and intentions that will help us all find our way out of the chaos of this present time.

Let’s do it for ourselves, for our loved ones and for those who are currently incapacitated in being able to do it for themselves. Let these be the radical acts that take root in a world that asks us to rise to the challenge of these times in whatever ways we are capable of. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. Love.

Rumi – There is a Field…. I Will Meet You There

As Rumi has said, there is a field…. I will meet you there – in whatever ways I can: physically, emotionally, energetically, spiritually – and we will amplify the light and healing that is already also at work in the world.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn’t make any sense.

Kindness, Small Gestures, Generosity of Spirit: The Antidotes to a Challenging Year

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Jerry and I have heard from many that 2023 has been a difficult and challenging year. That has been true for us too.

Many people have described personal or business challenges, set within the context of news cycles full of increased war, a challenged economy, high interest rates, higher prices for just about everything, increased debt loads and higher rates of homelessness. Personally, as an example, I have become price sensitive at the grocery store, which had never been the case. The cost of groceries is a common topic of discussion amongst friends and family.

With so much chaos all around us, it can be hard to focus on the good, the small gestures, kindness, the heartwarming stories. For some, it almost feels like we are not allowed to find the joy and yet not doing so only hurts us while not solving any of the issues we see, but have no influence over.

The Season of Amplification

And, now, we are in the “festive” season and the stress for many is more intense. We carry expectations about the holidays, about how they should be, about what we should do, buy, make or gift. Yes, it can be a season of joy and it is equally likely to be a season of grief and both at the same time. As I wrote years ago, ‘tis the season of amplification. Whatever we are feeling, we may feel with more intensity. So, how do we stay grounded, connected, nourished and supported amidst so much intensity and chaos in the world?

Embrace the Possibilities, Small Gestures, Kindness and Generosity of Spirit

So many possibilities. Seek out, remember and offer small gestures, kindness, and generosity of spirit. Offer a sincere compliment to someone and watch their face light up. I do this whenever I see someone bring vibrancy to their role or interactions or extend great service or courtesy to others. It makes a difference and it is easy to do. It is following through on noticing.

Connection and Relationship

Find connection in all ways that matter and especially through all forms of relationship. Relationship with loved ones and particularly with the little ones in our lives. Give them the gift of time and attention. All the moments I spend with my grandchildren or with Jerry’s, bring me joy and delight, as I see and experience the world through their eyes. The relationships I have with my and Jerry’s adult children are gratifying and provide sustenance.  

Christmas Tree ornaments made by my grandchildren, 2023

Relationships with extended family, friends, neighbours and colleagues who care and who we care about. Relationship with nature, to stay present and keep perspective. Accessing the music, books and movies that make us feel, while reducing media and social media that drags us down.

Relationship with Self Also Matters

We can also offer small gestures and kindnesses in our relationship with self, taking care of mental and physical health and well-being. We might not be able to affect a lot of what goes on in the world, but we can influence and impact those within our circles of influence, including ourselves.

The Promise of 2024

As I look ahead, 2024 holds lots of potential and possibilities. Writing brings Jerry and me joy. We have a couple of projects we’ve been working on that we hope to see come to fruition in 2024. They are The Little Book of Great Grandparenting and Dancing on the Razor’s Edge of Change, both of which include contributions from friends and colleagues.

Jerry and I are beginning a very exciting partnership with a global company that will take our Worldview Intelligence work to new levels, new clients and new cities. We can’t wait to see what emerges as a result.

My Wish for Us All

My wish for you, for me and my loved ones, for the world, for 2024 and beyond, is for peace, hope, connection, joy, and prosperity. The ability to both sit with and work through the tough spots and varied emotional experiences that show up along the way. The ability to influence the world around us in extraordinary and positive ways. The ability to invite and entertain different worldview perspectives, so we find our way in the world with beauty and grace. 

All the best of this Holiday Season, from me to you.

An Antidote to Disappointment is Compassion

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Disappointment can take many forms. It can be disappointment that something did or did not happen. Disappointment in someone. Disappointment in yourself.

When it comes to people and disappointment, it is often because expectations have not been met – whether this is self or other, whether they have been spoken or not. An antidote to disappointment is compassion.

Sometimes we are aware we carry expectations and sometimes we are not. Either way, a feeling of disappointment can reveal whatever expectation(s) we are carrying. Bringing compassion into the equation can help us move past disappointment.

People do not usually mean to disappoint. Viewing them, the situation or ourselves with compassion will bring peace, could allow us to approach the situation or the person in a different emotional state or state of mind, to have a conversation or just let it go. Not everything needs to be a thing.

The more we can bring compassion, the more love and relationship will flourish. I don’t mean romantic love necessarily, I mean love that fuels the bonds with people who matter to us or that fuels our bond with ourself. Releasing expectations and disappointment is freeing.

An Antidote to Despair is Hope

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I was in a conversation on the weekend with two women who I have a lot of respect for. We talked about the challenges of these times and how easy it can be to fall into despair.

We all have our days, hours or even minutes. It prompted me to wonder, what is an antidote to despair? Hope. And, by hope, I mean looking for the things that fuel us, that shift our emotions so we can acknowledge what we feel but not be stuck there. It serves no one to stay permanently in despair if we can find a way to a different emotional experience. It does not diminish our experiences of despair, but it offers us choices.

When do you experience despair? What gives you hope?

I experience despair when I stay focused too long on the things I can do little or nothing about – the state of public discourse, divisive politics, social media violence.

What gives me hope is seeing nature unfurl its spring growth and colours, the children in my lives, individual sparks of curiosity, clarity and illumination of ideas. Music. Seeing people succeed. Seeing people overcome challenges. Displays of kindness.

I Am a Little More Frayed Around the Edges … We All Are

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These days, I’m a little more frayed around the edges. I notice that my well isn’t as deep as it usually is. Anger and frustration can spark a little – or a lot – faster. And, when I’m being really honest with myself, I notice moments of deep exhaustion. I imagine this is true for many of us, even if we are not in the epicenter of big events.

In the last 2 years, not only have we had to deal with the ordinary travails of life, we’ve been collectively hit with one big event after another. Many of us are deeply impacted at the emotional and soul level as we absorb, consciously or unconsciously, all that is going on around us, close by and around the world. We live in a constant dissonance between ordinary, daily life and the knowledge that so much disruption, pain and suffering is swirling in so many places in the world. Knowing the huge losses to Covid. Aware there is a new war that has people fleeing their country en masse, if they can.

January 2020 my dad died. End of February was his funeral. Mid-March a global pandemic was declared. As we imagined we might emerge from it within a few weeks, I started clearing out my father’s house only to have lock down hit and very little help available for a gigantic task. But it got done.

While I was doing this, in April of 2020, Nova Scotia was hit with the largest mass murder ever in Canada, making news around the world. Then George Floyd was killed by police in Minneapolis in May, sparking worldwide protests and an increased awareness and discussion about race and police brutality. But the murders didn’t stop with George Floyd.

While we put our seatbelts on to wait out the long haul of the pandemic, with new variations of Covid keeping the waves of the pandemic going and us on edge, we were hit with controversy over precautionary measures like masking and social distancing and the role of government and public health – a divide between people advocating for individual freedom and those advocating for taking care of each other. This divide ramped up once vaccines became available with some waiting in line to receive them and others very vocally and often aggressively questioning their validity. The Trucker Convoy in Ottawa, Canada was ostensibly about a response to vaccination mandates, speaking to and fueling the pent-up frustration that has had little or no release for two years.

Climate change continues unabated showing up in severe weather patterns, fires, floods, droughts and other natural disasters.

Conspiracy theories about just about everything abounds. The divides between conservative and liberal ideologies, right and left wing, continue to be exacerbated. It is hard to know anymore what is truth and what is lies. There are far too many interested in stoking the divide who don’t seem to care about whether what they promote is based in lies or truth, just bring on the chaos and anarchy.

The 2020 US election results sparked yet another series of exhausting disinformation campaigns, culminating with the January 6, 2021 insurrection in Washington. The investigation into what happened currently makes headline news around the world. At the same time, in Nova Scotia, the investigation into the mass murder is also making headline news. All of it is hard to take in. Because we don’t just see it. The energy of it seeps into our consciousness and our souls. We feel it, even when we feel numb.

And because that is not enough, Putin decided to invade Ukraine causing wanton destruction throughout the country and killing masses of innocent people. At 45 years old, President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has become an unlikely hero of the free world, coalescing many layers and levels of support that has not yet stopped the killing. This invasion has consequences, reverberations and impact throughout the world, including the impact of economic sanctions on Russia.

Inflation added onto a housing market that has been off the charts in many places. Gas prices and stock markets bouncing all over the place. All other worries are now compounded by greater financial insecurity for many, if not food and housing insecurity. Not to mention if you are trying to flee from war.

It is one more thing on top of one more thing on top of one more thing. That we don’t just witness. We feel. And often we feel helpless.

The sun wants to shine in Sancerre, France, but is covered by a haze of dust from the Sahara desert. It feels like an apt metaphor for what many of us are experiencing in 2022.

It is no wonder a backed-up toilet, a deck that needs replacing, a new car purchase, ill health, an unexpected announcement, an empty grocery store shelf, can cause us to feel like we have no reserves to draw on. We have been living in heightened alert for two years, while more isolated from friends, families and colleagues or, in contrast, in demanding work environments that require people to be onsite whether that is retail or health care or some other front line function. Each day has added slightly more pressure and it is exponential rather than simply additive. And, if we live in our safe cities, rather than those being bombed, relief, guilt and helplessness can compete for attention within our psyches.

So, yes, I am a little more frayed than I used to be. I think we all are. It feels hard to simultaneously be in a world that is falling apart or blowing up while, for many of us, still living our daily lives as though all of that is not going on. I have had a few “normal” experiences lately that created more stress than usual. Dealing with my bank on some things, working to meet key deadlines, differences of opinion on the development of creative material. I’ve noticed the need to apologize a few times for being short or frustrated with people. And, I’ve noticed being extra complimentary to people for what they are doing, recognizing many people dealing with customers are more often on the receiving end of the publics’ frayed nerves. Expressing appreciation, kindness or support is so notable, people talk about how much they appreciate it.

Noticing it all. Trying not to be too grumpy. Remembering kindness is an antidote. Knowing that putting words and language to what we are experiencing helps. Wondering when we will have a collective reprieve. Wondering also what collective scars we will carry into the future. Remembering what fuels the spirit. For me, hanging out with my grandchildren because they call me into presence and brighten my spirit. Getting outside in the fresh air. Meditation and ritual practices. I feel a little less frayed once I’ve had the chance to center and ground myself. And I wonder how long or what it will take to feel a full renewal of the soul.

Hope and Despair – More Than A Year In

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Just when we thought we could see the light at the end of the tunnel, darkness and despair have descended yet again. So many metaphors come to mind: the wind taken out of our sails, it is darkest before the dawn, the darkest hour, dark night of the soul.

Just as vaccines are rolling out and hope is on the horizon for many of us, variations of Coronavirus are showing up around the world. India is making headlines for the devastation being wreaked by the virus and the inadequate ability to respond which is leaving people dying, not just in hospitals but in the streets. Other countries are also struggling, even while others are enjoying success like Australia and New Zealand. The tide in the US has changed dramatically with clear leadership and the dedication of resources to combatting spread and ramping up vaccinations, and they are not out of the woods yet.

Across Canada, cases are rising, hospitals are in chaos and frontline health care professionals are exhausted. In Nova Scotia, after being down to no or few cases for months, we are having the highest number of cases since the beginning of the pandemic. Last year, most of these cases were in long-term care and now they are the result of community spread. Locked down again just as plans were made for opening up.

Defiance of vaccines, mask wearing and social distancing competes with people advocating for as many precautionary measures as possible. Misinformation, both deliberate and uniformed, competes with science, medicine and public health guidelines based on sound research and evidence based results. Almost everyone I know personally is signing up for vaccines as fast as they become available.

It is easy to get lost in a sea of desolation. I am fortunate that my family is close by, we all take precautions and we do get to see each other, if not as often as we might like. My partner and I live in different countries and are separated by more than a border right now and have been for the majority of the pandemic. We are not young. These are precious years. My business was just beginning to return to some in-person work, which is sorely missed in my world.

The tides can turn fast, though. If you, like me, seem to be moving through quick sand to get up in the morning, begin your day, attend to your tasks, to find joy, we have to remember the light is at the end of the tunnel and, even if it is hard to see, it’s not as far off as it seems in the moment.

Here are 14 reminders of things to do to keep moving through the days, toward that light at the end of the tunnel:

  1. Above all, be kind and compassionate to yourself. You are doing what you can. Things are getting done, even if slowly.
  2. Be kind and compassionate towards others – family, friends, neighbours. Most of us are doing the best we can.
  3. Reach out and connect with your family and friends – including new ones. Commiserate together. Laugh together.
  4. Let yourself feel what you feel but try not to let it overwhelm you. Not easy some days and for some people not easy at all.
  5. Grieve the losses. The people. The ability to be together. The freedom. All of it. There is so much of it. Acknowledging our grief and our sorrow helps us be still or keep moving or discover whatever it is we need to continue.
  6. Look for things that make you laugh. We are allowed to laugh, even in the dark days. And laughter is good for the soul.
  7. Get outside – walk, sit in a garden, in the woods, on the lawn, on your patio or balcony. Even just open a window. Breathe in fresh air.
  8. Take care of your body. Hydrate yourself. Drink water. Lots of it. Eat as well as you can in these days. I live alone. Getting motivated to make good food is not always easy but I do what I can on the days I can. Exercise. Breathe.
  9. Meditate, if it is in your practice. At a minimum, sit quietly with a cup of coffee or tea and invite yourself to be present to that moment.
  10. Take a break from the news (says she who listens to CBC radio a ton).
  11. Listen to music that lifts you up.
  12. Use social media to lift your spirits – not drag you down. Find the groups that inspire, the people who provide hope. Spread those messages as often and as far as you can.
  13. Read. Binge on Netflix. Play games. Just give yourself permission.
  14. Allow the future to motivate you – when you will see loved ones again, be able to travel, move more freely without the fear of the virus at every outing.

I know it’s hard. It’s why we have to turn our attention to the little things. They keep us going. And, above all be kind – to yourself and to others.

Extend Love From a Tender, Openhearted Space

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slide1In this time of growing fear and anxiety about the future, about the unknown, about strangers, tap into that tender openhearted space within and extend love. First to yourself – a warm loving embrace to acknowledge the fear and then tap into gentleness, kindness and generosity.

Then to the people you know and love. Because we need to hold our loved ones close and turn to each other in times of chaos and uncertainty.

And then, the most generous act of all – extend kindness and love to people you do not yet know, remembering our common core of humanity, that the shortest distance between two people is a story and that most of us in our hearts want peace, a safe place to live and a future to live into.

Learn the story of a neighbour, a co-worker or someone you bump into in the coffee shop, someone you have met and are curious about but have not yet chatted with. Go to places you would not ordinarily go – to a place of worship of a different religion, to community centers, to peace gatherings. Become educated and aware of different people’s experiences that are different from your own.

Doing this we grow our circles of support, our trust and our faith in humanity.