Panic is a sudden, overwhelming feeling of fear or anxiety. It can come upon us suddenly, possibly caused by an amygdala hijack, which essentially overrides the thinking, logical functions of our brains, generating the freeze, flight, fight automatic response. There are any range of situations that can move us into panic, actual and imagined, and it isn’t “logical” or “rational” because it originates in the most primitive part of the brain, the part of the brain in charge of all of the automatic functions of the body we don’t think about, like breathing, digestion, blood circulation.
Grounding is an antidote to panic. Grounding can take any number of forms. Taking a deep breath. Counting to 10 (yes, it works). Tuning into the body, shutting out distractions. Putting feet on the floor or the ground and feeling the connection to something outside of yourself. Stepping outside, feeling the dirt, grass or trees with feet or hands.
I think sometimes we feel embarrassed when panic overtakes us. Like every emotional experience, acknowledging the panic, overwhelm and embarrassment is important. All of these reactions make us human and we are not alone in our emotional experiences. Likely, we have all been there. So, let us grant ourselves the grace we would offer to others, take another deep breath and decide on the next best step we are capable of taking.
An absolute favourite. We likely first heard it from Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea in Circle Practice. Jerry and I use it with every group we work with and we are often quoted for the statement, curiosity and judgment cannot exist in the same space.
When you notice you are judging someone or something, you are feeling defensive or are dismissing someone else or their views, curiosity is an antidote. Become curious about your own reactions. Be curious about the other person, group or situation. Why are they acting the way they are, saying what they are saying? How have they come to see the situation the way they have?
Curiosity provides a way to connect and to open explorations. It can also bring new insights and new learning. It can help us expand our worldviews and worldview experiences.
The power of tears is highly underrated. We have been taught to hide our tears (at least in my generation) and to apologize for them when they do show up. We’ve all heard it when someone tries to speak through their tears. Like expressing the emotions signified by tears is weakness. Or, as a life coach told me a long time ago now, “Kathy, you think your emotions make you weak.” She assured me there was strength in acknowledging my own emotional experiences and working with them. She was right.
Tears are an antidote to sadness, also sorrow, stress and many more of the emotions that sometimes feel like they will overwhelm. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. These feel-good chemicals can help ease both physical and emotional pain. This can provide a sense of calm or wellbeing.
Allow your tears to flow. Even when with others. Stop apologizing if/when it happens. It is the most natural thing in the world and so healing.
When it comes to people and disappointment, it is often because expectations have not been met – whether this is self or other, whether they have been spoken or not. An antidote to disappointment is compassion.
Sometimes we are aware we carry expectations and sometimes we are not. Either way, a feeling of disappointment can reveal whatever expectation(s) we are carrying. Bringing compassion into the equation can help us move past disappointment.
People do not usually mean to disappoint. Viewing them, the situation or ourselves with compassion will bring peace, could allow us to approach the situation or the person in a different emotional state or state of mind, to have a conversation or just let it go. Not everything needs to be a thing.
The more we can bring compassion, the more love and relationship will flourish. I don’t mean romantic love necessarily, I mean love that fuels the bonds with people who matter to us or that fuels our bond with ourself. Releasing expectations and disappointment is freeing.
Overwhelm can stop us in our tracks. It can feel like we are buried … or drowning, in murky waters. Even just reflecting on overwhelm in this moment of writing I feel the need for a deep inhale and slow release of breath. Calling me to presence.
An antidote, for me, to overwhelm is connection. Connection with my partner. With his kids and grandkids. With my kids and grandkids. They bring me to presence immediately.
I just had a conversation with my oldest son and his wife about how grateful we all are for an afternoon spent together, hanging out, going to the playground, being outside, doing yard work, grounding in nature. We feel fortunate that our extended family connections are nurturing circles of support – for all of us.
Connection with others who are experiencing a similar sense of overwhelm or related emotional state. Remembering we are not alone. Allowing ourselves a moment to be in our experience and then looking for how to renew our spirits, hope and faith, to keep ourselves inspired or just re-invigorated enough to find the simplest, most elegant step forward.
Connection reminds us we are not alone and it is possible get through this moment of overwhelm too.
The word resilience can get a bit of a bad rap these days, as if having the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties should not be celebrated. Some would say too much resilience can make us overly tolerant of adversity. And, I’ve heard it said, “bouncing back” may not be healthy for us, so let’s “bounce forward” instead. Semantics? We can define this in many ways and I choose the ways that build strength for me.
When I considered what is an antidote to discouragement, resilience immediately came into my mind. Discouragement can weigh heavy and can cause us to lose sight of the beauty, grace and achievements in life – ours, others, the world.
I embrace the qualities of resilience, a reminder that I have gotten through every hard day of my life so far. I can bounce back or bounce forward – whatever it takes to move beyond the discouragement that can show up when I feel like I haven’t achieved enough, that things are not going “my way”, that progress on women’s rights, human rights, LGBTQ+ issues, marriage rights, book banning, social justice issues and more seems halted or even going backwards, it is resilience that gets me through. Reminds me to look for the good in humanity, the people who are standing up and the circles of support I directly and indirectly connect into. It reminds me to bring compassion to people who experience the world and the issues differently than I do.
Where do you find yourself embracing resilience in the face of discouragement?
There are many times when I feel anxiety creeping into my day, not so debilitating I can’t function but still there, as an undercurrent, a feeling of unease. It seeps in when there is news about the economy, rising inflation, interest rates, worry about what happens in the US and how it impacts us here in Canada. When I am concerned about the flow of business or what opportunities to follow of all that show up.
One antidote to this feeling of unease is presence. In this moment, I am okay, all is okay. In this moment, I can appreciate the sunshine (or the rain or whatever), the food in my fridge and cupboards, good health, mobility and so much more.
To move from anxiety to presence can start with a breath, noticing the breath, following it into the body. When anxious, we can forget to breath so taking a deep breath, and another and another, is grounding. When my thoughts are flying all over the place and barely consciously registering, focusing on the breath, brings awareness and presence.
(And, please know, this does not take away from anyone who needs medication to reduce anxiety. That is a different level of experience than what can be solely addressed through presence and the breath. We each need to take care of our wellbeing in ways that serve us.)
I was in a conversation on the weekend with two women who I have a lot of respect for. We talked about the challenges of these times and how easy it can be to fall into despair.
We all have our days, hours or even minutes. It prompted me to wonder, what is an antidote to despair? Hope. And, by hope, I mean looking for the things that fuel us, that shift our emotions so we can acknowledge what we feel but not be stuck there. It serves no one to stay permanently in despair if we can find a way to a different emotional experience. It does not diminish our experiences of despair, but it offers us choices.
When do you experience despair? What gives you hope?
I experience despair when I stay focused too long on the things I can do little or nothing about – the state of public discourse, divisive politics, social media violence.
What gives me hope is seeing nature unfurl its spring growth and colours, the children in my lives, individual sparks of curiosity, clarity and illumination of ideas. Music. Seeing people succeed. Seeing people overcome challenges. Displays of kindness.
My one-year old grandson can walk… he just hasn’t realized it yet.
He’s been itching to walk since he could put weight on his legs, maybe around six months old. Around ten months old he figured out how to walk holding on to someone’s hands, and then by holding just one hand. Always his left hand in an adult’s left hand. And that kid can motor!
What he hasn’t figured out is that he can actually walk on his own – and he has. But it is running back and forth between two people sitting on the floor. The two people can be close together or as far apart as an entire room. He runs effortlessly between the two. Take the two people away, and he doesn’t know his own capabilities.
While I’m sure it will kick in soon, and I’m curious about how those synapses are firing in his brain, it also has me wondering about something else. What capabilities do we, as adults have, that we cannot see because we are used to operating within a certain frame of reference or with a certain worldview?
In 2020, a few months into the pandemic, Jerry and I asked ourselves if we needed to think about our Worldview Intelligence business as a virtual company first and an in-person company second. While we had already started down the virtual road, we didn’t know what we were capable of until we focused attention and resources on developing our virtual platform. Now the ideas continue to roll in and there are days it feels as though we cannot develop them fast enough.
What more are you capable of that you cannot see because habits or practices have hidden the possibilities from view? Where could a worldview re-orientation bring new opportunities into focus for you?
New Year’s Day 2023. My 61st birthday. A quiet morning reflecting on a tumultuous and now bygone year. Also, a year of abundant joy, good company growth with the creation and development of new offerings, and the beauty of deepening family relationships as we continue to create a village of support for our grandchildren.
Tumultuousness in The World and the Emotions This Evokes
Tumultuous largely because of world events that disturb and anger me that I am helpless to influence. I have a hard time grappling with how one deranged man can be responsible for so much destruction of life, infrastructure and peace. I imagine Ukrainian families waking up a year ago… life was normal. Their courage, bravery, persistence and passion for their homeland is an inspiration even as it brings out sorrow for hardships they should not have had to endure.
The state of political divisiveness in the world is another thing that disturbs me. I am exhausted by the lies, by people believing and acting on the lies, by the loss of moral compass for too many in political leadership and by the name calling. Name calling! Like children on the playground, except worse. Is it even possible that these public figures could return to a state of diplomacy and decency?
The repression of women’s rights – not just in faraway countries like Iran and Afghanistan but close by in the US as well – is another thing that enrages me. It makes me understand how fragile our rights are while fuming about how this happens. I see the courage of women who are standing up and taking incredible risks, putting their lives on the line, and I fear for them.
It’s Been Hard to Write About Life
I haven’t written much on this blog, mostly because there is so much I don’t know how to make sense of and in reviewing them now there is a lot of emotional angst expressed. (And also because we have been very focused on creating content for Worldview Intelligence and our clients.) There is a comic Jerry and I use in our work as an illustration of cognitive dissonance: my desire to be informed is at odds with my desire to remain sane. It completely describes how I feel about world news these days. I scan it because I want to know and scanning is usually as much as I can take. And I realize how privileged that makes me.
Focusing On What is in Your Circle of Influence is Not Trivial
The antidote, as always, is to focus where you have influence and on what brings you joy, contentment and peace. It can seem trivial when there is so much heaviness in the world. But if I can’t actually change what is happening in Ukraine, in politics or in so many of the systems that seem to be crashing – like health care – my sitting home, worrying about it, becoming depressed by it or sinking into despair is not going to change anything about those things, but it does impact me, my health, how I live and how I engage with those I interact with regularly. So, it’s not trivial. It is life giving, life affirming and essential.
Welcome the Children and Fresh Eyes
We welcomed a new grandchild into our family in February, making three grandbabies for me, in addition to Jerry’s four. I am blessed to have an active participation in their lives. I love having visits with any and all of them, with and without their parents. They call me into presence, joy and remembering how to see the world through new eyes. The relationships with my adult children are different in the best of ways as they have become parents. All of the grandparents have relationship and presence with the grandchildren, providing support for their parents but also providing the little ones with unique relationships with the adults in their lives. All of our lives are richer for it.
The Beauty of a Deepening Relationship and Learned Wisdom
Jerry and I often express appreciation and gratitude for how our relationship has evolved and deepened over the years, how we have each grown in being with each other. It is an unconventional relationship in some ways because we live in two different countries and we are also business partners. But it works for us. That is partly due to confidence and faith in our relationship. We have similar goals, which include each of us living close to our kids and our grandkids. We travel well together.
It is also due to the fact we have figured out how to let the stuff go that doesn’t matter. When we do have arguments, we have become wiser in disengaging with them before they get out of hand and we don’t pick up arguments that might have been unfinished because we recognize how little value there is in fueling them. We also know when to stop talking about politics or the differences between our two countries.
We focus on what works, what we appreciate about each other and the greater number of things that go well in our lives, relationship and our work.
While I wish for world peace, my contribution has to be through my peace, and that is not a trivial thing.
Embracing the Stranger in Me 